Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Familiarity

Good day!

I got a very interesting quote from a blogger friend. His name is Michael. I barely know this guy, but I felt kinda good that someone here in the blog world was able to help in easing the pain and understanding the life lesson. Well. His words were these..

"Just because everything's good now doesnt mean that you need to relax...always be on the edge of your seat... and maintain that surprise element... i personally like women who takes care of themselves and surprises me one time or another... u know the saying familiarity breeds contempt? so dont be familiar in some ways... otherwise, nakakasawa pag ganun... goodluck! if you need some unsolicited advice, im always here.wahahaha."

The way Michael said it, it made me smile. But then, this quote made me think. Familiarity breeds contempt. Is this true? Hm. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.

It is but easy to believe that learning more about a new friend or a new acquaintance will lead to a greater liking. But some studies, if not all, show that the more we know about the person, the more we dislike that person. The more information we have about him, the less we like him. So the more we become familiar with the other, the more we start to find faults, the more distant we become.



Familiarity breeds contempt. Maybe.

Why do some people become contemptuous when they are getting familiar with something or someone? Is it because they're afraid of getting out of their comfort zones? As we get accustomed to our surroundings and everything or everyone around us, we tend to get familiar and comfortable. And we don't want to change it a bit. Well, in this case.. I guess that saying holds true. Being in our comfort zone for too long makes one so relaxed, that he/she becomes so complacent. Indeed, our comfort zone is the perfect breeding ground for contempt.

This holds true even in relationships. When we become so familiar with our partner, there is this pride that builds within us. Who wouldn't be proud, when you know your partner like the back of your hand? You could tell 90% of what he's thinking, what he wants for dinner, what his reaction would be to your acts.. and you could almost finish each other's sentences. Who wouldn't be proud of that? It just means that both of you have given much time and effort in the relationship.. in getting to know each other.. in loving each other. If there's a "Meant-to-be" couple of the year awarrd, it should be given to you.

But being so complacent in a relationship can also spell heartache. If we think we know our partners so thoroughly, we tend to forget one note. No matter how good we are in knowing what our partner's reactions or answers would be, there is still this slim chance that we might be wrong. We tend to get so complacent that we are quite sure of what our partner's reactions would be, that we don't bother to ask or to even consider. We tend to take them for granted. We are feeling so smug, that we forget that our partners also have emotions that we do not have complete control of. Now this ultimately leads to contempt.

Familiarity breeds contempt. Maybe not.

However, one should not and could not question the fact that familiarity could lead to greater intimacy and love in a relationship. One should consider whether it really IS the familiarity with a partner that provokes contempt. Some disagrees with the quote. For instance, negative energies like dishonesty, disrespect and distrust.. these are the energies that become familiar territories in a relationship. These are the elements that cause contempt.

In the start of a new relationship, we tend to get familiar with our partner. It is the ONLY way of getting to know each other. If we truly seek love and intimacy, there is no other way. Yes, when we get to know more about our partners, we see their faults. But the difficulties in a relationship does not come from familiarity, but from turning away from each other. Contempt oftentimes comes from NOT getting what we need. It usually starts with the "ME FIRST" attitude of a partner. Disrespect follows. Then, the other would feel ignored, rejected and devalued. Contempt follows. It is an emotional reaction to NOT feeling respected or cared for. We become hostile and contempt becomes very prevalent.

The feeling of contempt is cyclical. When the partner feels disrespected, it is very likely that he would feel negatively and then share that to the other. That's why communication should always be present. It is important to tell your partner what you feel. Not doing so will definitely assure the pattern of contempt to go on.

To sum it all up, It's true that familiarity brings intimacy. Intimacy leads to a wonderful life. It's the negative feelings we have that we tend to "nurture".. that leads to contempt. We become so identified with these negativity that we take our relationships with the one we love for granted. We should understand that what we put into our relationship is what we're likely to receive in return. We simply have to make love, respect and trust, familiar.. Because I believe that as time passes, intimacy grows. So with this said, I think I believe that familiarity does not breed contempt.

That's what I think. How about you? What do you think?

38 comments:

  1. nosebleed... but seriously ang ganda ng blog mo ngaun.. kakaiba buti na lang mag blog para ilabas ang mga emosyon :D

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have a preposition.

    For the longest time I've had a Twitter account, it has been dead ever since I created one. It took me four months to gain a total of 5 followers... but recently, one tweet, one measly tweet changed 5 followers:4 months to 200 followers:1 day. That day at least.

    Even though it took me such a long time to wander my world around Twitter and get my outstanding 5 followers, I was completely content and happy with it. Now that I nearly have a thousand followers, I'm finding myself very bored even when I ALREADY have alot of these people to mention me and give birth to alot of people who follows me just because the person they're following said so.

    I know it's so not about relationships, but Idk, I guess I have a relationship with my Twitter account now and it's complicated! :)) Does that mean I'm too familiar with it that there's contempt for the most of my part?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Showing some love. Thanks for visiting my blog!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yes,,,, tapos na ang emo mo sis! Mas maganda ka ngayon. I like the way you write may pagka kikay at napa ka lively! Nice post Sis!

    ReplyDelete
  5. hey LEAH, thank you for quoting me, but it would've sounded better without the 'wahahaha' - LOL!

    there's a lot of things goin on in here and these are your thoughts so definitely you are right...

    if you notice, there's the delimiter 'SOME'... 'dont be familiar in SOME ways' -- because you NEED to be familiar... now beyond THAT modifier are the fun stuff that im telling you to be VIGILANT about... like sexiness, physicalities, how you look, how you carry yourself...

    no perfect formula for relationships, but if there's one thing i've learned about my experiences, is that i always need to put my best foot forward. i need to look good on dates, special events... but i also will try to look good at home or even just buying suka at the tindahan. never letting my guard down, like you shouldn't too.

    because believe me, when the two of you had spent years being together, that's what i meant by familiarity breeds contempt. men will always be men, and im saying this not because im not loyal to my gender but because i want women to know how to handle this potential problem. LOL!

    Show Me Your Look Today

    take care Leah!

    ReplyDelete
  6. A very serious post but familiarity nga naman tlaga can really bring you to the comfort zone wherein you can show even your negative side... It becomes challenging to accept whatever will be coming out, that's why every relationship is a risk. There are some characteristics between the partners that may be destructive to the relationship, but it is up to them to make these complement each other to make a positive outcome. Communication is definitely important because most of the time, it is in here that trust becomes stronger. Give way for each other's sake and love shall grow more.

    ReplyDelete
  7. hi leah..i totally agreed with you. thanks for showing me some love. But me also agreed with myke, that man always be man, and we can't change man. What we can do is..a couple must built a trust, love each other, respect and the rest of them i already share in my every healthy relationship entries. Peace love^^

    ReplyDelete
  8. Very well said Leah! i may always not agree with "familiarity breeds contempt." relationships should always be give-and-take. and it's very important to put God in the center of the relationship so that contempt will never have its way. eto lang masasabi ko, hehehe...

    ReplyDelete
  9. hi, leah, i know i've posted my comment earlier, nwala?
    anyways, oh, BTW, how old are u, maybe 20's? ur still young, too young, to fathom the meaning of a "relationship", but i'm very impressed at how u write, SO ADMIRABLE!
    as for the TOPIC, i TOTALLY disagree on that phrase. hubby and me have been together for 25yrs, yes, there were many things we HATE ABOUT EACH OTHER, we may disagree on things, WE MAY BOTH HAVE SEEN THE WORST IN US, but,at the end of the day, ud still wished for a day to come & be w/ the ONE YOU CHOSE UR LIFE 2 B, BECAUSE LOVE DOES NOT SEE, MR. MICHAEL, HOW GOOD U DRESS IN FRONT OF A WOMAN,NOR IT CAN AMOY HOW BAD UR BREATH WAS IN THE MORNING. when u love a person, even poles apart, ud b willing 2 break the MEAN! er MR MICHAEL, peace tau ha, no offense, hehe. keep the good post coming:)

    ReplyDelete
  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I guess it doesn't always apply because there are people whom we realized to be better the more we got to know them.

    We pre-judge people sometimes because we lacked familiarity. Being familiar doesn't only equate to knowing a person but also, knowing his reasons for doing things we initially deemed bad or unfair, not everything ill has been done out of malevolence, some even meant well and we only discover it as we get familiar.

    Familiarity breeds contempt is too cynical a POV for me but then, I am optimistic :D

    But you're right, one shouldn't or couldn't question the fact that familiarity could lead to a greater intimacy and love in a relationship because it certainly does. If that did not apply to others, it still couldn't be ruled out by few exceptions :)

    And that's how you see it in a lesser cynic way :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. But frankly speaking, I am in a 4yr relationship now and I experience the cynic option... but my experience couldn't solely justify it... I would rather stand for the more common per population than my own pathetic life experience...

    ReplyDelete
  13. amf! *nosebleed* gusto ko na sana iwan ang blog! engles kasi haha.! but anyway, Familiarity breeds contempt. Is this true?-totoo nga siguro to some people. like you.. pero qng wala ka sa estado na katulad ng kinalalagyan mo ngayon maybe hindi! :) for me, hindi ko alam ang sagot. i've never been into that state of life.

    Leah, thanks for being nice to me. ur really a bff in blogworld and even in twitter. u can count on me anytime. just twit. :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. love is like a rosary, it's full of mystery.

    Wonder why people adore god? It's because he keeps himself mysterious. He hides his face.

    Ganon din ang love. Reveal to much and it loses its magic.

    People pursue that which runs away from them.

    BUT... I don't agree with that the idiom "familiarity breeds contempt" is applicable to relationships. It's just that contempt is not the right word to use. It's so negative. I think.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I'm giving love :D ♥ Pretty complex topic, huh.

    ReplyDelete
  16. It depends and it works both ways too... but its more on how two can handle issues that arise in their relationship...and still manage to make their relationship work.

    ReplyDelete
  17. intimacy beyond all that!! lol

    i like i like

    parang expert na ikaw sa relationship..

    sayo ko lalapit to make hingi payo :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Hi leah! It is nice for you to have accepted this matter. You are quite brave for admiting fault (and posting it!), and saying that you also had some flaws and differences. That I believe is the first right thing to do...knowing it, then accepting it, and finally learning from what happened.

    You are entitled to interpret the things that happened, you have the power to control these things on how will you see it. It is your own decision to how will you make things out of what happened.

    Sabi ko nga sayo eh, you will be fine and better sooner or later. How fast? It will depend on how will you interpret it.

    Good job Leah, kaya ka number one in the Hall of Fame eh...you have a great spirit and personality.

    So enough of the EMO part...move forward and show us all a happy blog post that fits your personality! Hahaha ☺

    ReplyDelete
  19. `was here to give some love ..
    nice to know that you're not emo anymore .. heheh :))

    ReplyDelete
  20. i kinda dont get it ate Leah, oh, is it okay to call you ate ? em not comfortable kasi na tawagin kang sis xD haha./

    anyways, i somehow dont understand yer post, some part only :D haha.
    i was confused with yer title, familiarity breeds content. but when i read yer post i was like "oh my", "aah", "really?" haha.

    but i kinda agree with the part that when you know that certain person so much, you tend to dislike that person :D i already experienced that xD

    ReplyDelete
  21. Leah.. happy that your back.. happy at okay na kayo ni.. uhmmm sweetue mo hahah...

    Michael you should be given an award for being quoted always.. hahaha..

    i feel goo the same with michael.. hahaha..

    anyway..

    ano nga ba sasabihin ko nakalimutan ko na.. ah ayun..

    minsan naiisip ko sa isang relationship.. tama ka ang sarap pag alam mo na lahat sa kanya... pero ang sarap din pag may thrill.. yung may mga hindi ka pa alam..

    ewan ko.. actually to tell you 5 years na kame.. nung cheesyness ko... hahaha.. pero kapag kasama ko siya.. feeling ko wala pa kameng ilang months.. hahaha..

    hay... salamat sa post na ito...:)

    ReplyDelete
  22. waaah sorry leah.. di ko masyado napag isipan yung comment ko,.,. nagmamadali kase ako.. I'll get back at your blog when I'm finished with ugh busy busyhan mode ko!@!! lab u leah already!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. @Axl: Haha. Thanks. Ngayon lang ba naging maganda? Sorry naman.. Mabuti naman, naging maganda na ngayon. LOL.. Salamat sa pagdaan, axl. =)

    @Silver: Hmm.. I dunno. But if you put it that way, I guess I could say.. yes? But I don't think "contempt" would be the right word for that (since we're talking about your twitter account). Hehe. Maybe, you've become very familiar or comfortable enough, that the quest/purpose of having a twitter account has been achieved. Hmm.. That's what I think.. =)

    @Will: Heya, Will. Thanks for dropping by my blog. I would have appreciated it more if you've written down an opinion about our topic. Hehe. Nevertheless, I'm still glad you've dropped by. Thanks. =)

    ReplyDelete
  24. @Junneth: Yes po, tapos na ang pagiging emo. Hehehe. All is well. Plus, I'm not good at it.. at being an "emo".. whatever that means. Harhar..

    @Myke: Hmm... I see your point. "Boys will always be boys", as they say. Oh, and some surveys show (on average) that men are visual, as women are emotional. So a woman has to take care of herself, much more if the relationship seems to be long term. I mean, it never hurts to look good, right?

    But I also have another point.. I mean, it's not always about how you look. Some couples, though both are very good-looking and knows how to handle themselves, end up ending the relationship. There are lots of negativities around them.. negative feelings that does not concern the physical attributes, but much more on how couples react to one another. No communication, no compromise.. they just thought that they've been together for so long, that they're the perfect couple and they're meant for each other, they're just letting fate do all the work.. so out comes contempt.

    Hmm... Wow! Haha.. this is one interesting topic. Of course, I totally respect your point, Myke. To each his own. And I understand it, too. Good advice. Hehe.. It's always nice to hear some notes from a man.. and see it from a man's standpoint. Thanks, Myke. Mwwuuggzz!!! =)

    ReplyDelete
  25. @Traveliztera: Yep. It really does. When one becomes so familiar, you don't want to change any of it. The comfort zone.. for fear of change, a person in a relationship sometimes resort into some kind of abuse, and some just settles for less. Kasi raw, matagal na sila.. so they just let it be na lang. No communication. So many negative feelings were kept inside, suppressed. And so, contempt really follows. Hay... Thanks for the drop, Stephie.. =)

    @Gadie: Hehe. Thank you, too.. for dropping by and showing me some love, as well. Yep, you're totally correct. A couple must have love, respect and trust, in order to make the relationship work. And of course, Gadie.. constant communication. That's very important.. =)

    @Pinx: Hey Pinx. Haha.. Kahit na yun lang ang masasabi mo, walang problema. Hihi. I appreciate it. Yes, God has to be in the center.. pero we can't just let God do all the work, diba. As couples, we are responsible for the relationship. Yes, give and take. What we give, then expect that we'd receive that back in return. And so, as time passes by, we'd feel that the love grows stronger than ever. Naks! =)

    ReplyDelete
  26. @Imriz: Hello ms Imriz. Ganun po ba? Di ko po alam.. wala naman akong nai-delete na comment. Me?? In the 20's?? Hehehehehe! Ms, Imriz.. pumapalakpak ang tenga ko. Thank you. LOL. I'm 30 na po. I'm not that young. Hihi.. Pero thank you for that comment.. of my entries being admirably written down.. Hekhek.. Yes, I definitely see your point there, Ms Imriz.. When you love a person, tanggap mo talaga ang lahat. His bad breath.. his dirty toes (eww!).. Hehe. Eh sa mahal mo eh. There would be times of conflict, of quarrels.. of misunderstandings. But the most important note is that we don't let this negativities get the best of us.. para hindi na lumala. We must learn to communicate and let out our feelings, so as not to nurture that feeling of contempt. That way, we won't take the other for granted.

    Pero in defense of Michael, I also understand his point. Actually, that was his personal advice po sa akin. Hihi. I've just got out of trouble nga.. And well, he became.. kinda, my personal confidante, for a while..

    Anyway, as I've said, it never hurts to look good. Lalo na kung medyo matagal na sa isang relationship. When we become so comfortable kasi, iniisip na lang natin na okay lang. We'd be thinking that.. "he totally understands that this is me. This is what I wear. This is me as I go out and buy "suka".. Hihihi. So mahal nya ako, so I know he understands." I think Myke's point was it never really hurts to look good. Kasi men tend to be very visual.

    Aww... don't you worry about Michael, ms Imriz.. He's very open-minded.. understanding. Definitely a good boy. LOL..

    ReplyDelete
  27. @Genesis: Yes, the saying truly holds true to some relationships. Yet, there are some who disagrees. Well, I, for one, does not agree... kinda.. Hehe.

    Well, my relationship with my boyfriend has been going on for 9 years now, and yes, the comfort zone is truly breeding some contempt. No use denying that. But still, like you, I'm very much optimistic. I believe that as time passes by, love grows. As long as the communication is there, all is good..

    Though sometimes, I'm thinking of changing my "routine" because he's really getting used to it. Thus, he takes me for granted, at times. Haha.. But of course, I tell him asap. Communication is the key. And 'twas just a thought, anyway. If I wanna change something, the reason should be because it's for me.. for my own good. Not because of someone or for somebody else's benefit.

    Thanks for dropping by, Genesis. I really appreciate the comment. =)

    ReplyDelete
  28. @Petitay: Wahahaa!! Nosebleed bah? Hehe.. Sige, next time, tagalog ulit ang entry ko. Hihi. Hindi ko rin talaga alam kung saan ako lulugar dito eh. Kasi I believe naman familiarity breeds contempt. PERO I believe rin na it doesn't. Kasi nga, familiarity can lead to greater lvoe and intimacy. Hmm... Pero kung iisipin ko talaga, siguro, I believe the latter more. Ewan.. hehe.. siguro, I't very optimistic lang. Always trying to see a rainbow after the rain. =)

    Thanks for the drop, petitay. Sure bah.. I'll twit you lagi, everytime I'm online. And twit lang kita kapag kailangan ko ng chaperon jan sa Manila. Hehe.. =)

    @Rah: Whew! Another standpoint. Nice. Yun na nga rin siguro, Rah. Hmmm.... thinking.. thinking.. Maybe it holds true.. based on what you've just stated. Love kinda loses its magic when you reveal too much. Maybe in a relationship, two people give love, share love.. to the point that they've become too comfortable, too familiar.. that the quest for love has been finally achieved.. I mean, there should always be the "what's next?".. or "what now?". So if the two don't know the answer to these questions, they then take each other for granted. Hmm... wait, parang di yata tugma.. haha.. What do you think, Rah?

    ReplyDelete
  29. @Paloma: Haha! Thanks for the love, Paloma. It's a good thing you dropped by.. Haven't "seen" you around for like.. two months? Hihi.. Good to have you here. Thanks for the drop, Paloma.. =)

    @X: The success or the failure of a relationship usually depends on how the two people involved, settle their conflicts and handle the issues. Good point, X.

    @Tong: Haha! Expert ka dyan? Haha... Ngek. Parang ikaw pa yata tong expert eh. Hihihi.. Salamat sa pagdaan, tong. =)

    ReplyDelete
  30. @Ronster: Oo nga.. huhu. Had done a very stupid thing. Pero ang importante lang, eh meron akong natutunan. Hehe. Ob korz, ambilis lang diba? Hihihi.. I can't really sleep well when I know I did something wrong. And goodness, siguro 3-4hours lang ang naging tulog ko that time. The guilt was killing me. And I know I have to tell him sooner para hindi na lumala.

    So here I am. Hehe.. All good. Yay!! Haha.. ano naman ang kinalaman ng Hall of Fame dito? Hihi.. Ron talga..

    Ay. Really enough with the drama. I'd be posting another entry ulit.. a happy one, siguro. Everything is on drafts.. not ready to be published. I'll find the time. Medyo busy lang kasi ngayon. Thanks again for dropping by, Ron.. =)

    @Mitchie: Yes.. Hehe. Hindi na ako emo, sister.. Balik sa happy mode na ako. Nakakapagod rin umiyak. Haha.. And besides, hindi rin yata bagay sa aking ang maging emo. Hehe.. Salamat sa comment, Mitchie. =)

    ReplyDelete
  31. @Cheen: Hehe. Yes, you may, Cheen. You can call me "Ate Leah".. It's perfectly okay. Medyo na-confuse ka bah? Hehe.. Sorry naman. Well yeah, that's true.. when you get familiar with a person, nakikilala mo na sya. Yung mga bad habits nya, bad traits nya.. And then, you tend to dislike him. PERO not always naman. Kasi meron namang mga instances na kapag nakikilala mo na sya, unti unti mo rin natatanggap ang buong pagkatao nya. That really depends on the person.. Hmm... That's the idea.. does familiarity breeds contempt? I actually don't know kung ano yung tamang sagot.. haha.. I doubt if there's a correct answer. Kasi to each his own. It's subjective. Depende na lang yun sa tao.. =)

    ReplyDelete
  32. @Kamila: Yes.. okay na kami.. Ayeeeii!!! haha.. Kinilig naman ako. Yes, Myke should have an award for being "quoted" all the time. LOL..

    Oo nga, iba pa rin kasi kapag merong konting thrill.. yung pa "mysterious" effect pa. Just like Rah said (on his comment, as stated above), Love is like a mystery. You reveal too much and it will lose its magic.

    Haha. Sure Kamila. Ako rin, magiging busy rin this week. I don't know If I could do some blog hopping, but If I can, I'd definitely visit your blog. Haha!! Labyah too, Kamila.

    You take care, okay.. Ingat ka dun sa California. Have a nice trip. =)

    ReplyDelete
  33. it is true that familiarity breeds contemps because we do things wthout even knowing we are hurting the one we love or close to us. we are insensitive for their feelings.

    well, past is past, learn from it move on and value those people arounds you and love you.
    good luck leah!

    ReplyDelete
  34. ms leah, tell michael, ganda nia magsulat, malalim! hanga ako sa inyong mga isip, para bang napakarami na ng karanasan sa mundo, san kaya humuhugot ng inspirasyon:)

    ReplyDelete
  35. same stat tau d2 sa post mo sis ha.. hmm.. hahai nga naman! emo-emohan din ako last few days..

    ReplyDelete
  36. Hi Leah!

    Thanks imriz! i went to your blog already ☺

    I had fun reading the exchange of thoughts.

    I hope you all visit my blog! Hehehe...

    Leah, thanks again!

    Show Me Your Look Today

    ReplyDelete
  37. It depends on whom you get familiar with. I don't really believe that to be honest. But I could be wrong. ;-)

    I am Fickle Cattle.

    ReplyDelete
  38. @Genny: Yes.. it usually comes to that.. we are oblivious of our partner's feelings. Thus, we end up hurting him or her.. the relationship suffers.

    Thank you po for such kind words, Ms Genny. I appreciate the comment. =)

    @Dal: Hehe.. Ikaw rin bah? Uso yata ang naging emo these past weeks.. Hay. Pero okay na ngayon. back to my happy self. =) Salamat sa pagdaan Dallie.. =)

    @Myke: You're welcome, Michael.

    @Fickle Cattle: Hmm.. Sabagay, May point ka dun. It depends on who you get familiar with. Hmmm...Napaisip bigla. Heheh.. Salamat sa pagdaan. Balik ka ulit ha. =)

    ReplyDelete