I got a very interesting quote from a blogger friend. His name is Michael. I barely know this guy, but I felt kinda good that someone here in the blog world was able to help in easing the pain and understanding the life lesson. Well. His words were these..
"Just because everything's good now doesnt mean that you need to relax...always be on the edge of your seat... and maintain that surprise element... i personally like women who takes care of themselves and surprises me one time or another... u know the saying familiarity breeds contempt? so dont be familiar in some ways... otherwise, nakakasawa pag ganun... goodluck! if you need some unsolicited advice, im always here.wahahaha."
The way Michael said it, it made me smile. But then, this quote made me think. Familiarity breeds contempt. Is this true? Hm. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.
It is but easy to believe that learning more about a new friend or a new acquaintance will lead to a greater liking. But some studies, if not all, show that the more we know about the person, the more we dislike that person. The more information we have about him, the less we like him. So the more we become familiar with the other, the more we start to find faults, the more distant we become.
Why do some people become contemptuous when they are getting familiar with something or someone? Is it because they're afraid of getting out of their comfort zones? As we get accustomed to our surroundings and everything or everyone around us, we tend to get familiar and comfortable. And we don't want to change it a bit. Well, in this case.. I guess that saying holds true. Being in our comfort zone for too long makes one so relaxed, that he/she becomes so complacent. Indeed, our comfort zone is the perfect breeding ground for contempt.
This holds true even in relationships. When we become so familiar with our partner, there is this pride that builds within us. Who wouldn't be proud, when you know your partner like the back of your hand? You could tell 90% of what he's thinking, what he wants for dinner, what his reaction would be to your acts.. and you could almost finish each other's sentences. Who wouldn't be proud of that? It just means that both of you have given much time and effort in the relationship.. in getting to know each other.. in loving each other. If there's a "Meant-to-be" couple of the year awarrd, it should be given to you.
But being so complacent in a relationship can also spell heartache. If we think we know our partners so thoroughly, we tend to forget one note. No matter how good we are in knowing what our partner's reactions or answers would be, there is still this slim chance that we might be wrong. We tend to get so complacent that we are quite sure of what our partner's reactions would be, that we don't bother to ask or to even consider. We tend to take them for granted. We are feeling so smug, that we forget that our partners also have emotions that we do not have complete control of. Now this ultimately leads to contempt.
Familiarity breeds contempt. Maybe not.
However, one should not and could not question the fact that familiarity could lead to greater intimacy and love in a relationship. One should consider whether it really IS the familiarity with a partner that provokes contempt. Some disagrees with the quote. For instance, negative energies like dishonesty, disrespect and distrust.. these are the energies that become familiar territories in a relationship. These are the elements that cause contempt.
In the start of a new relationship, we tend to get familiar with our partner. It is the ONLY way of getting to know each other. If we truly seek love and intimacy, there is no other way. Yes, when we get to know more about our partners, we see their faults. But the difficulties in a relationship does not come from familiarity, but from turning away from each other. Contempt oftentimes comes from NOT getting what we need. It usually starts with the "ME FIRST" attitude of a partner. Disrespect follows. Then, the other would feel ignored, rejected and devalued. Contempt follows. It is an emotional reaction to NOT feeling respected or cared for. We become hostile and contempt becomes very prevalent.
The feeling of contempt is cyclical. When the partner feels disrespected, it is very likely that he would feel negatively and then share that to the other. That's why communication should always be present. It is important to tell your partner what you feel. Not doing so will definitely assure the pattern of contempt to go on.
To sum it all up, It's true that familiarity brings intimacy. Intimacy leads to a wonderful life. It's the negative feelings we have that we tend to "nurture".. that leads to contempt. We become so identified with these negativity that we take our relationships with the one we love for granted. We should understand that what we put into our relationship is what we're likely to receive in return. We simply have to make love, respect and trust, familiar.. Because I believe that as time passes, intimacy grows. So with this said, I think I believe that familiarity does not breed contempt.
That's what I think. How about you? What do you think?