Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Guest Post: Chivalry

Hello there!

I'm having another guest post today. This one's from a dear blogger friend. I've been reading her blogs since late 2010. We haven't met yet, but I feel a connection with her since she's from Negros and I'm from Iloilo. Both "hiligaynons".

This week's post is about Chivalry. What is chivalry? Is it still alive? Whatever happened to it? If you're a guy, do you still pull out chairs in restaurants for your dates? Do you still pay the bill? Do you still hold doors open for women?

It is said that chivalry is dead and that women killed it. The majority of women practice their independence, but look down on men who do not pay for dates. Most women want equality but frown at men who treat them as equals. My guest blogger is Marikoy, and here is what she has to say.

Chivalry. When the word is mentioned, it reminds me of King Arthur's era, of knights in shining armor, excellent in arms, courageous, loyal and gallant. And why not? Chivalry used to refer to knighthood, in Medieval times, and their code of conduct, including bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.

In Medieval times, that was. But how about now in the 21st century? Is chivalry still alive? Is it still needed? Or are today's women believed to be independent enough to take care of themselves and not need the special treatment from the men?

One typical work day, I tried observing men and chivalry. I found out that on the busy streets and crowded trains, most men would rather be selfish than give ladies a special treatment. They'd rather remained seated and nurture their pot bellies while women, even pregnant ones, continue to grow varicose veins by standing for lengths of time in the train. On the other hand, inside office buildings, men generally observe some courtesy by holding doors open, allowing women to get in or out of elevators first, and such. 
Perhaps, chivalry is not dead, but half-alive, half-dead?... moody?... conditional? 
Why is it that men nowadays sometimes forget to be chivalrous? Is it because of the idea of female equality that's more prevalent nowadays than in the past centuries? Is it because it seems unfair that men should do all these nice things for the women, while women are not expected to do the same things for men? Do people think it's some kind of a female conspiracy passed on through the ages to control and enslave men?

In my teens, I came across an article How To Treat A Girl (by A. Lynn Scoresby) wherein the author thought while in his teens that it was unfair for men to be doing all these little sacrifices so that women could be given all these special treatments. But soon, he learned some important lessons, came to understand why chivalry was important, and what good can come out of it for the men who observe it.

As the author came to understand chivalry, he concluded "When young women are ennobled by the respect young men show them, both are elevated. It never occurred to me as a young man that if a boy treats a girl like a queen, he is raising himself to a higher level too."

In my early twenties, I was fortunate to date someone who was not exactly physically drop-dead gorgeous, but I can say that he was one of the most chivalrous men I've met. Without the slightest hesitation, he opened the doors, not just for me, but even for complete strangers who needed help. I felt like a princess at the dinner table when he did many things for me such that I needed not lift a finger to dine comfortably. Like second nature to him, he walked on the dangerous side of the sidewalk so I could be on the safe side and made sure I arrived home safely.

After the date, I remembered that article and I completely agreed with the author's conclusion, that 'if a [man] treats a [woman] like a queen, he is raising himself to a higher level too.' Indeed, my respect for that chivalrous young man increased, because of how he treated me. 
The same thing happens nowadays. When I encounter men who act with the courtesy that women deserve, I could easily imagine that they are well educated, highly civilized, and raised by goodly mothers who taught them to be honorable as the knights of old. But when I meet men who are quite the opposite, well...(rolled eyes, grimace)... let's not talk about them.

In conclusion. It is believed that women killed chivalry. That's because the women of today show and practice independence. As a woman, I know that there is nothing wrong with independence and equality. But I also have to admit that I sometimes send mixed signals to men. Like on dates, I want equality but then I feel good inside everytime the man pays the bill. On walks, I just walk oblivious to the world around me but I blush everytime someone opens the door for me. I am a self-sufficient independent woman, but I really feel good and appreciate men who are being chivalrous.

So is chivalry still alive? I'd like to think so. I have met some random strangers who still treat me as a princess. I know men who still hold the doors open for me whenever I go in or out of the grocery store.. who still hold the car door open, letting me enter the vehicle first.. who still walk on the dangerous side of the sidewalk to keep me safe.. who stand up when I walk into the room.. who still pull out the chair on restaurants during dates.. who still bring me flowers for no reason. Chivalry is not dead. It is a weak and maybe dying tradition.. but it is still alive.

Chivalry is defined as "the qualities or behavior, idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor and gallantry towards women.". It is about being a gentleman. Nothing can be more sexy than a man who possesses the intellect and traits of a true gentlemen. And since we seldom come across and have conversations with a true gentleman nowadays, it makes the moment more valuable when we do.

A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been born and raised in the arms of a Queen. - Author unknown

About the blogger:

Marikoy is a Filipina living at Melbourne, Australia. She's a blogger, an artist, a designer, a writer, a pianist, a dancer, a dreamer and a wife. You could follow her on Twitter. Username: @akosimarikoy. She has her own Facebook page, "The Adventures of Marikoy". She's interested in so many things, including the arts, music and literature. She blogs about her everyday adventures and is the author of "Ako, The Adventures of Marikoy". Do visit her blog and read her great posts.


  1. fortunately in our case, chivalry still exists. I'm kinda gentleman hindi lang halata. hehehe at ang mga labidabs ng mga kapatid ko'ng babae, mga maginoo pa rin

  2. chivalry is sleeping...... nag-aantay na magising at nag-aabang ng chance para magparamdam :D

  3. Hi Leah! Kaw ba ang nagbibigay ng topic sa mga guest bloggers mo? Parang gusto ko din maging guest, haha. But I'm scared, baka walang magbasa, lol ;D

  4. good thing is that i already found my knight! hahaha!

    chilvary?!i don't think it's proper that most of the MEN nowadays don't apply this anymore..kasi kalimitan bastos! hmmp! but REAL MEN would really treat you right no matter kung anong estado mo sa buhay...

    iba kasing lalaki inaapply lang ito pag nanliligay palang pero once napa OO kana at na pa I DO..tigbak!! harassment ang aabutin mo! lels hindi naman lahat..sorry naman....bitter! hahah!

  5. i remember the saying 'A man who treats his woman like a princess is proof that he has been born & raised in the arms of a queen' i love that, tama!

    para sa akin buhay na buhay pa ang chivalry noh, pero tandaan natin hindi lahat ng tao perfect.. pero once na kaugalian ng tao, hnd mo yan maalis s knya forever..

  6. I beleive on what mommy razz said...pag kaugalian na ng tao hindi mo na yun maalis and how I wish we could still continue to teach the little ones or brother and sister with the word Chivalry:)

    Great post and idea!

    Your new follower hope you follow back:)

  7. I do agree with what you have here. I may be the type who would only accept equality , but it definitely does draw a smile on my face when a guy offers to carry a few bags if I happen to be carrying a lot and the like. BUT, chivalry shouldn't also be overdone. It can be annoying =)
    Enjoyed your take on this. Good one.

  8. I ask that question lots of times. Without raising my own chair, I can say that it's still part of who I am. I can give my seat on a jeepney for an old women or anyone that I see that needs to seat comfortably.

    But sometimes, women do really are culprits. I remember opening the door of a car for a lady friend and laughed instead of appreciating the gesture with a mocking line "Knights died a long time ago".

    I even made a poem about this topic Death of Chivalry

  9. Im one of those na di obvious... Pa.gentle mysterious type of guy :)

    Hey, I TAG you. Visit my blog about it :)

  10. Wow, ako sumulat niyan? hehehehe... Thanks for having me do this guest post. I like the quote you added at the end. Feel na feel ko. Pumasok kaagad sa isipan ko ang hubby ko, tatay ko at tito ko. Sila kasi ang 3 lalakeng closest ko, and they never fail to show me that chivalry is alive. Kudos to their queenly mothers, who raised and taught them well. :-)

  11. Talaga nga naman kapitapitagan ang mga lalaking maginoo.Sa totoo lang, ang tunay na lalaki ay magalang at matiwasay sa kanyang mga gawi. Kaya nga, gusto kong magreact sa mga blogs na pinapalaganap na ang mga tunay na lalaki daw ay bastos at macho. argh.

  12. Paano nga ba ang pagpili ng topic ng guest blogger? Ikaw ba ate ang pipili o may freedom to choose sila?

    Meron pa rin naman kasi buhay pa ako. Haha. Medyo gentleman din kasi me. Gusto niyo ba ng witness? Haha.

  13. I still believe that there are still gentlemen out there. :) This is also one of our Pinoy traits. +1 to what Mommy-razz said.

    Up for this post. :)

  14. i think chivalry should not be expected solely from men.. when i ride the bus and i see an old lady or old guy or a pregnant lady or a crippled guy or a child standing, either i share or offer my seat to them. the point is if you are more physically able than the person next to you, then you are expected to assist him/ her. i don't need to be a guy. knights don't need to have a rod to be called a knight.

    okay, i wouldn't deny that i get flattered when a guy gives me special treatment.

    if my date pays the bill then i won't stop him because that's what he wants to do. not worth hurting him or his pride, but he shouldn't feel that way-- that he is supposed to be the one to pay and work hard for the money.

    if a guy does give up his seat for me, then i would gladly take it, not because i think i deserve it more than he does, but because i don't want to hurt his feelings. what i'm trying to point out is the guy don't have to do it, he DOESN'T HAVE TO FEEL GUILTY when he sees an EQUALLY ABLE WOMAN standing while he is comfortable sitting. i mean, why did the woman even board the bus knowing she'd end up standing? better wait for the next bus.


    i consider chivalry as a form of STEREOTYPING. i am a very independent young woman and when i say equality, i mean it. no slight equality or part-equality. no 'we split the bill in half but it would make me feel good if you pay it all by yourself.'

    the suffragettes of the 1900's, who fought for their right to vote, i think played a big role in starting the domino of movements empowering women to be treated by men as equals.

    MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUAL. WOMEN ARE NOT THE LOWER SEX. ABLE WOMEN ARE AS MUCH AS ABLE AS MEN. if women think that they should be treated as royalties, then men should also get their fair share..

    again, great post, leah. i love these kinds of blog posts tackling issues where i could voice out my opinions and overviews. (;

  15. P.S. i solemnly swear that i'm up to no good. so the marauder's map is in your possession, eh? how so? can ya share it wit' me? hehe

    P.P.S. parang blog post sa haba yung first comment ko. yays. hehe.(;

  16. with women's attitude today, chivalry is not needed but when seen is soooo much appreciated. ayt girls? (^_~)

    I wanna be a guest post! ikaw ba nagbibigay ng topic? :)

    great post babe!

  17. Magaling ang topic ng post na ito.Yes, buhay pa yan sa ating panahon.Kung mananatiling maniniwala at igagalang ang mga binibini ang kakayanan ng mga kalalakihan sa lipunan at ibigay sa kanila ang karapatang gawin ito.

    Pero kung pakiramdam ng babae ay may kakayanan siyang mamuno, magpasunod or makipaglaban ng patayan tulad ng mga kawal.ibang usapan na ito.Fine gawin ng tagaluto si Mr.taga laba at tagahugas ng pinggan at kung ano ano pang taga.While si Mrs. ayon nakikipagpatayan.

    SA ganum pa man malaki ang paghanga ko sa aking ina na buong buhay siyang nagpasakop sa aking ama.

  18. My first comment here should be nice... NICE! Lolz!

    Well, for me most of the gentle men exist in rural area coz they are not so exposed from the poison of our rushing society in urban area. I believe that everything around us affects our personality, from the people we talk, from the media, from the internet etc. Yet, I'm not saying that there are no so-called "chivalrous" men in the city, there is but only a few that you can count with your fingers.

  19. I completely agree! Chivalry is not, nor should it ever be dead. I don't understand why some girls oppose it; I feel great when a guy opens a door for me! It's just really sweet! Apparently, some people don't like that?

  20. some women despise being treated like this though so it puts guys in a tricky situation.

  21. @-E- : I've been waiting for the exact response. Yeah.. some women do hate being treated like helpless damsels in distress.. that's why men tend to back off when faced with situations wherein they can practice chivalry.

    I really do want to have a male's point of view on this post. Thank you so much for the visit.

  22. oh wow, i love that you're doing guest posting, Leah! :D i've never thought of doing it on my blog.
    this was really interesting. i think chivalry is cool.

  23. I love this post Leah. It reminded me our days.

  24. chivalry is not dead. comatose lang.

  25. does chivalry mean that i can't fart on my girlfriend? if so, i fail at chivalry.

  26. I still try to be chivalrous as much as I can.. just that at times the statement "Women killed chivalry" is correct..

    Here is my experience. Was in a jeepney when this girl older than me boarded. Since there was no more seat available, I offered mine. But she was quick to tell me to stay put. She can just go "sabit". I was like "Wow!!!" while the other passengers couldnt help but smile! hehehe

  27. I think we wouldn't need of the term "chivalry" if all men just know how to accord anyone, especially a woman and the elderly, some basic "respect."

    In the bus or MRT for example, I don't mind if guys don't get up and offer their seats to me. But if they do, of course I return the favor by thanking them. But when they don't get up and offer their seats to an elderly woman or man, I wonder if these men know respect.