Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Letting Go and Moving On..

When my boyfriend and I broke up February of last year, I never wrote a thing about it. I didn't see the need. All I felt that time was anger. I was angry at him.. at the world.. at life. It was unfair. But I kept it all inside. For about a month, I continued living with a mask on my face, telling myself that I'm okay, convincing the people around me that I'm feeling great. Which was a total lie.

Being betrayed is very painful. It is one of the worst feeling there is.. Like a thousand knives, stabbing you at the back. To have your trust, broken by the very person you love.. it is something that can never be forgotten. But when I accepted the help of some good friends, I had finally closed the door. It was swift. It was easy. After accepting the fact that it really was over, I finally let go and moved on.

A good friend of mine wrote this 3 years ago. His story may be different from mine, but some of his words are the words I would have uttered as my heart bled that day.. 12 months ago.

by Joseph Maynard Acallar



What I knew all along has to be shoved in my guts so that I can accept them and when something is shoved inside your guts, it’s damn painful. But for the better, I guess.

I knew all along that what has been is just that, a thing of the past. And futility has always been with me in my efforts to bring it back. I have always been able to come out of anything with anger. I get angry, I stay away. But with you, I can never get angry – at least, angry to the point of throwing all those that we’ve had. You said that you’ll try to conquer the distance, and because I’m gullible when I’m dealing with you, I believed it. All I wanted was to feel that you’re giving your efforts as well. But I can’t. Like you care anyway. I sometimes believe that it was all orchestrated, and sooner or later, you will have to claim your academy awards trophy. But most of the time, I believe that everything was real, but real only for that short span of time.

We’ve talked about it. And you know me, and I believe that I understood you too. They think that everything they see is like the other things that they see. And we heard rumors. And we laughed about those because we knew what we had. .

‘What we had’.

Until now, I will never deny that those few months has etched its mark in my brain. Either I buy a new brain or kill myself, there and then will that mark be removed. When I’m happy, I remember those and I smile. When I’m sad and lonely, like what I’m currently feeling because of the residue from what we had that accumulated and clogged my judgment when it comes to other persons, I remember those things and I have to try and hold back the salty liquid.

I had fun. I thank you for that. What’s left are memories - which I have no use for anymore - and the strongest lessons that you’ve given me through our friendship. Lessons that made me realize what I’m actually capable of, and what my greatest weaknesses are. But the worst thing that this has left me is a great vulnerabilty. I find it hard to trust anymore. And I’m just about to ruin a great friendship because of this. Or I’m ruining it already. Because I’m afraid that this person will be like you too, sooner or later, well in fact, I know that, I’m sorry to say this, the person is a whole lot better than you. The person is different. And that is what I have been telling myself amidst the strong paranoia that I have been feeling lately.

My friend. I will have to close the door. It’s hard and once in a while, I will feel the urge to peek. But believe me, I will close it. I won’t let the storm come inside my dwelling again. This closing will mean nothing to you now, I know. But at least, it matters to me.

You said that it will be ‘until the bitter end’. This must be it. The bitter end that you’ve foreseen. I hate doing this, but I’m glad that once and for all, its over.

It’s easter sunday, and a new life awaits.

Take good care.



April 11, 2009"

I did have trouble trusting someone after what happened. I've developed this awful paranoia that all men are alike. But a few good men proved me wrong. To Ralph and Dylan... Thanks. ♥ Everyone is different, and I learned that I shouldn't judge all men, just because one hurt me.

To Robinson, I have closed the door but yes, I will always have its key. I may sneak a peek, sometimes. I may look back, once in a while. Never will I forget about you. You are part of my past, after all. But as it is over, that is where you will stay forever. Live a good life. - Leah


  1. Sometimes, good things end for better things to come. Letting go and moving on are the two things I'm really afraid of. But they are part of our lives. I guess, we just need to accept that.

    Good to hear that you have decided to let go, sis. I may not know the whole story but it sounds like it was the right choice. How's your heart?

    1. Aw, the story is really simple. I was betrayed.. But then, there is always a reason why things happen. There is a reason why he ended up in my past. :)

      My heart is fine, Algene. My heart has been doing great, a month after it happened.. Thanks. :)

    2. Deep breath! *Sigh. There's an ache in one corner of my heart not for myself but for all the people who are undergoing the same situation I've been before. Now that it was over and I'm okay, I can smile and even laugh and enjoy life. I must admit that it's the hardest battle I've been but I am glad I won. It's true that after the bitter circumstances, we'll laugh about it in the end. Laugh not because it happened but because we are tougher than we realized to overcome such a bitter past.

      Need I say more? hahaha, this comment could make one independent post. Sorry I was just carried away, but all I really wanted to say is Cheers, we won the battle after all.

    3. Most relationships end because one partner fails to live up to the promise of trust. I guess, the temptation was just too great to resist.

      Hahaha.. You should make a post, yes. We were wounded, but we won the battle! And it feels great! :)

  2. Letting go and moving on could be one of the hardest thing anyone has to go through. How can it be quick and easy when liking and falling in love does not happen in a snap. But time heals all wound and you may never forget what happened, but at least you move on.

    Well done sis. =)

  3. I'm glad you were able to move on and let it all go so quickly and become better because of it, eventually. I'm still not over the two major betrayals of my life though, even though one of them was about ten years ago, they still affect my life too much. I'm really glad you didn't let it happen to you. I'm also glad you know not all men are alike, it saves me the effort of having to prove it.

    1. Yes. I can think about what happened that day and not shed a single tear. I did my best to save the relationship. But it was crystal clear that he didn't care and even betrayed my trust. So accepting the fact that it was a hopeless case, made it easy for me to let go.

      I think it was me, being defensive.. protecting myself from future hurt. That's where the paranoia came from, I guess. But clearly, not all men are alike. :)

  4. Just take your time. Spend time with yourself and you will see, the next time you remember it, you might just laugh about it. ♥

    1. Hehehe.. I am already laughing about it. :) Thank you po.

  5. oh gawd. ayokong madepress pero may maaalala ako..haaay anyway..its really hard to trust again after someone broke you trust. healing is a process di dapat minamadali..im really glad on the process ka na, almost done na nga eh.

    1. Awww.. wag madepress! hehe.. I just shared this post kasi nung nabasa ko ang letter ng author, nakarelate ako agad. :)

      The process is already finished, Supperjaid. :)

  6. Yes live a good life ms. Leah. I'm sure everyone can relate to this. At one point in our lives we experience heartbreak. Iba iba nga lang ang atake but most of the time parehas lang ang pakiramdam. I've been there and I thought I will never trust and love again...But I did and I am happy now. Just enjoy life while waiting for right one for you. Pero teka bakit ralph and dyla? Dalawa agad? si dylan lang lagi ko nababasa a twitter dati ah? cheer up ms. Leah. :)

    1. Hehehe.. Napasmile ako dito. :)

      Dalawa agad? Hehe. Ralph is my highschool boyfriend. He resides in Manila, so when the breakup happened, he was there to comfort me.. Dylan is the special person in my life right now. ayiii! Yun lang masasabi ko.. haha!

      Thanks, Mayen..

  7. I had some similar bad experiences in the past but you learn and move on and it makes you a better person in the end...good that you've moved on

  8. wala ako'ng masabi eh. *hugggggzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz*

  9. woah. This post brings back memories of my past, at bakit affected padin akoOoo... I wish I could totally let go of my past, like you Ate... :) I don't know why, I keep on telling myself that I'm fine but it still hurts whenever I sneak a peek at the closed door. Maybe I should throw away the key??? C: ugh.

  10. Replies
    1. Haha.. at naka all caps pa ha.. XD

    2. Hahaha! Di ako galit ate ha... naka-relate lang ako. :D

  11. at least you've learned Leahdear!! at salamat dahil naovercome mo ang thinking na all men are alike, kasi they aren't...

    worry not leahdear, kasi what goes around comes around diba?

    > smile, ka lang.. kung malungkot ka man ngaun, isipin mo nalang na may isang lalaking malungkot din sa mundo dahil hindi pa kayo nagtatagpo!!!

    > Godbless :)

    1. True. What goes around, comes around. :)

      Uhm, baka namis-understood nyo lang ang post. I have moved on, one month after it happened. I wrote about it NOW because I happened to read my friend's post.. at nakarelate talaga ako. hehe.. :)

  12. That was the best part is to move on :)

  13. leaving a love you’ve suddenly outgrown can be heartbreaking,

    but it also shows you are strong enough to walk away

    from a relationship that no longer makes you happy…

    moving out of your comfort zone can be down right scary,

    but it also proves just how brave you are to take on the unknown…

    we always do a little growing up every time we do a little letting go.

    I have to say these are NOT my own words. I read them somewhere, unfortunately I couldn't give credit to where credit is due because I failed to take note of the author. I just think these words are perfect for your topic now. :)

  14. Nakarelate naman ako dito...

    I'm experiencing these things now. Sometimes I feel the anger but when I think about the things we had the feeling turns to guilt and grief.

    Salvation is still far from where I am...

    1. Aww.. I honestly don't know what to say. Were you betrayed, too? You lost a special person din? We all have different ways in coping with loss. But one thing for sure.. the first thing you really should do is to accept it. If you have done everything you could do to save a relationship, tapos wala pa rin.. ayun, wala ka nang magagawa dun. Wag nang ipilit ang sarili..

      Accept it first.. Take you time. Then, let go and move on..

  15. let go, let god. move on, move forward. haist ate leah...

  16. I can relate, too, was in this state months ago.. There could be too many ways to break a relationship but only one thing makes you break as people, which is hurting each other emotionally. The strain of being betrayed would flow in your veins and eat you out. Forgiveness might come someday, primarily because you just want to be civil with one another. Time heals things.. It is much proven and moving on is always a function of time: Brought about by your readiness to accept that everything is over, and that there are other things which are way better, waiting to be discovered.. :)

    1. Uhm.. wait lang.. kuha ako ng panyo. Epistaxis! haha..

      Your views are excellent, TGB. During the first few weeks, I was really angry, it was impossible to forgive. But as my family and good friends came to my aid, I started to realize.. holding that much hate in my heart will not make me a better person. So I accepted it.. and letting go was as easy as breathing. In my case, acceptance was the key... :)

  17. hays... pagibig nga naman.... naalala ko tuloy yung sinulat kong tula...

    Everybody do fall in love

    Free to fall in love as free as a dove

    How happy is the feeling of being in love

    But what more is the feeling of being loved.

    Have you ever experienced falling in love for the first time?

    It’s the mutual feeling of two hearts that is like a poem that rhymes

    A feeling that is so intense that your heart beats fast

    But still you didn’t even know how long it will last.

    Love when you started to feel it, everything seems wonderful

    You really love what is happening and everything you see is beautiful

    Without even knowing what lies ahead

    You don’t really want to see it because your heart and your eyes are blindfolded

    Not all first love comes to a happy ending

    Way beyond your expectations something is accidentally happening

    You’ve always thought that he or she is one of the best things that happens to you

    But suddenly your tears are falling because he or she is letting you go.

    Love is a feeling that can makes you happy

    But falling out of love can also makes you lonely

    But even though they’re gone and as the time flies

    I really do believe that first love never dies.

    try mo ding magsulat dito leah... http://www.triond.com/rw/419477

    1. Wow.. ang ganda naman ng poem na to. I love the lines.. "Love is a feeling that can make you happy, but falling out of love can also make you lonely." Awts.. Still, dapat kahit na nasaktan, nalungkot dahil merong kabiguan, matutong tayong tanggapin at mag move on. :)

      Salamat sa pag-share ng tula. :) Puntahan ko mamya ang link. Thanks ulit. :)

  18. naluluha at nahihiya sa mga pinagagawa ni Adan sa pagbabasa ng mga comments pero natawa ako comment ni Empi in bold letters pa.Humanda ka Empi kay Leah.

    May darating kasing para sayo leah kaya kailangan gawan ng paraan ng pagkakataon para makapasok.Saka mo marerealize na oo nga pala.

    1. Kelan ka kasi dadating, Kuya? Naiinip na ako.. XD

  19. you're welcome, hon. i love you ^^

  20. omg. hes a guy alright. and he really wrote that? i just love it. everything he said's true. im not a sexist. guys rarely express their real feelings about real feelings. so. id really like to meet your friend. lol.

    kidding aside, breakups really suck. it sucks to meet people who are only there for the fun interlude. some are worth fighting tooth and nail to keep and some do a series of fucked up and unforgivable things. but it cant be denied, no matter how much theyve damaged you, they have shaped the person that you are now.

  21. Time heal all wounds they say. I'm happy you're better now. :)