Thursday, September 09, 2010

And I Met Santa (Fiction)

Do you believe in Santa Claus?

I do. Yeah, he showed up at my house one day. That was last year, December of 2009, he came and granted me my wish. I should be happy, but I really was in a very, very foul mood because he came in late and did a pretty good job of wrecking my family's house. He made a mess. Yes, he did bring all those presents, but I can't simply forgive him, just like that? Nah-ah! I made him pay for what he did. And by "pay", I did not mean money.

To all the little kids who were expecting Santa last year, I'm surely sorry if he didn't drop by your house. He was at mine. It took him a long time to finish his chores. You must think I'm selfish to hold him up for so long. And I'd bet that you're very disappointed. But Santa or not, he did something bad. And I couldn't let him get away with it. Just let me tell you the story, ok.

'Twas the night before Christmas, I was inside my home,
With mom, dad and brothers. I was not alone.
With my seven dogs, all sitting on the floor,
just waiting for Santa to knock on the door.

The stockings were hung, no presents inside,
The lights were all blinking, from side to side,
The christmas tree's great, with a big star on the top.
"I wish Santa's coming, he'd better have a map."

It was almost midnight, I was getting the chills,
No, not from fear but excitement and thrills.
I've written him letters, asking him to drop by
and watch his eight reindeer descend from the sky,

"Tick-tock, tick-tock", said the clock on the stand,
I started to worry so mom took my hand.
"You know Santa has many visits to make,
so just wait and chill, for goodness sake."

The clock struck twelve, no Santa on the door.
I stood stiffly, numb and looked down on the floor.
My worry vanished, replaced by my anger
"Santa'd better be here or he'd be in danger."

My mom, dad and brothers, all looked at each other.
So frightnened by me, they all ran for cover.
Yes, me and my hormones, we were raging mad,
I was bloated and moody, my mood was quite bad.

Then suddenly, I heard such loud, crashing sound.
It sounded like something huge fell on the ground.
I went to the window and opened the blinds,
What I saw that night, really boggled my mind.

There on the front lawn, sat a very big sleigh,
with glitters and presents to surely make my day.
But to my horror, to my angry eyes, did appear,
Big ass Santa and his fuc*ing reindeer.

A big, fat, old driver, so large and so thick.
I knew it was Santa, that stupid prick!
Faster than a mood swing, my anger grew,
I cursed and shouted every bad word I knew.

"Damn it, Santa. You were very late.
And then you'd come barging, right into my gate!
Reindeer shit everywhere, even on the walls,
The gate, the grass, you ruined them all!"

Like fumbling idiots, they started to fly,
Santa and his reindeer, I bid them goodbye.
I thought they were leaving so I went inside,
Still angry and fuming, I kicked the door aside.

But then I heard a loud noise on the roof,
Such loud steps of each clumsy hoof.
I continued to curse, shouting his name,
And then down the chimney, that bastard came.

Santa was filthy, all covered in soot,
From the top of his head to the tip of his boot.
He had a bag, which he dumped on the clean floor,
Ohh!! That made my nostrils flare, even more.

He started to shout his "Ho, ho, ho!".
But he met my eyes, and just whispered, "uh oh.."
It was pretty obvious that I was not merry.
So he bowed his head and mumbled, "I'm sorry".

"That is not good enough", I remember saying,
"Take out that garbage, the floor needs cleaning."
I ran to my closet, got my apron and broom,
Got back to Santa and said, "Sweep the room!".

Like a little child, Santa immediately obeyed,
He swept and mopped, like a very good maid.
And when he was done, he looked at me and said,
"All done.", wiping the sweat on his head.

I frowned and pointed to the sink, full of dishes
"You won't be leaving until you've done all my wishes."
So he scrubbed and he rinsed and put the dishes away,
He then asked me politely, "May I go back to my sleigh?"

"Nope! Not yet. You got reindeer shit to clean up."
He looked at me, begging like an innocent pup.
That wouldn't work after all that he has done
"You clean all that crap, fix the gate, walls and lawn."

As I stood on the doorway, my mom then appeared,
"Goodness, Is that Santa? I coudn't mistake his white beard."
"That's him", I replied, still leaning on the door.
Mom just looked at me, but said nothing more.

When Santa finished doing all the chores on the lawn,
He looked at me and smiled. I just stiffled a yawn.
But his joy vanished and became filled with despair,
"Go get the ladder. You got a roof to repair."

Santa looked at mom and simply bowed his head.
Mom said, "I know Santa, I know", then she's off to bed.
Santa fixed all the tiles his reindeers did break.
All the noise from above caused my brothers to wake.

My brothers hurried downstairs to check if its true,
That Santa was there, and the eight reindeer too.
Right at that moment, Santa walked through the door.
"I'm done with the roof. Is there someting more?"

I looked at the room, It was sparkling clean.
The lawn was fixed, and the roof looked supreme.
The dishes were done, and broom on the closet.
"He did a good job", I'd have to admit it.

As Santa moved swiftly towards the door
My brothers asked, "What about the gifts on the floor?"
"Just take it", he said. "Every gift in the sack,
Because after tonight, I may never come back."

Before I knew it, he was out of the door,
He left all the junk lying on the clean floor.
Up the ladder he climed and jumped on his sleigh
And then he and his reindeer began flying away.

After he left, I simply went to bed.
Thinking about Santa, what he did, what he said.
I had asked for a maid who could clean the whole house
And by golly, he did came! A big round of applause.

He loves me too much that he himself came,
to obey my commands, and worship my name.
I wished for a maid and it really came true,
"Santa, you idiot. This is a toast for you!".


  1. Weehhh.. kaw na!

    ang ganda ng likha mo! :-)
    Merry christmas! ;-)

  2. nice one! keep it coming :) ber months na :) my favorite time of the year.

  3. Bravo! ^_^

    Love the poem!! Keep 'em coming!! :)

  4. Nice. Ang galing..
    Good Luck sa busy week. God Bless.
    And Merry Christmas.

  5. Nyahahahahha ayos! tama bang gawin nang utusan si happy "ber" month...

  6. @Midnight Driver: Weeehh!! Salamat po, manong. Hehe. =)

    @Rah: Mine too, Rah.. Thanks for taking the time to read this entry. =)

    @Amihan: Damu man nga salamat, amihan!

  7. @Yow: Merry christmas rin sayo, Yow. Took time during coffee break to check my blog.. Salamat sa pagdaan. =)

    @Xprosiac: Wehehe! Eh kasi naman, he wrecked my front lawn. Buti nga sa kanya. LOL Thanks for dropping by. =)

  8. Baka hindi si Santa yun? baka akyat bahay? di kaya? LOL.

    I love the poem...paskong pasko na hays!

    We'll wait for you here hehehe...

  9. ahahaha...hilarious!! :)) kawawa naman ni santa..ginawang maid...heheh...advance merri christmas na! :DD

  10. wtf?!?!?! am i just in the indenial stage????

    as of this moment my grandmother is playing a cd of christmas song musicals.

    .... BER MONTHS.

    pasko na nga ba tlga?!?!?!

    well christmas sounds early this yr... last year was so blant.... wasn't really a christmas until it was 24th

  11. @Jag: Haha.. Oo nga noh? Baka nagbihis Santa lang. Hehe.. Paskong-pasko na talaga. Thanks for the comment, Jag. =)

    @Ruby: Hehe. Maid na maid.. straight from the North Pole. Salamat sa comment, Ruby. =)

    @Hotcakes: Basta ber months na, naiisip agad-agad ang Halowin at Krismas.. =) Salamat sa pagdaan.

  12. Wow, the first Xmas related post I read.
    Galing ng poem.
    Keep on writing Ma'm.
    Meri Xmas in advance advance.

  13. ber months na!... :) advance merry xmas..

    love the poem..tama bang utusan si santa?? haha..:D

    gudlak sa busy week mo teh.. catch u soon.. :) tc..

  14. WOW! ang galing naman gumawa ng tula ni Ate Leah..

    ok na po ate Leah.. na-follow ko na kayo.. nasa blogroll ko na din kayo..
    sensya na po ngayon lang nakapag-bloghop.. ;)

  15. kamsahameda! ayos Ne, ugaling indi ko gid maubos basa tanan. ano akun isulat di? manami gali no? pwedi ko ni ma open anytime Ne?

  16. @Yodz: Whew! This is the first? Thank you, Yodz. Tats naman ako.. Meri krismas rin, in advance. =)

    @Leng: Hehe. Buti nga sa kanya noh. Though swerte pa rin ako dahil di sya nagalit. Hehehe. Meri krismas rin sayo Leng. Salamat sa pagdaan. =)

  17. @Goyo: Weeeh! Salamat rin Goyo. Ngayon lang din ako nakapag update. Been gone for... two days lang naman. Hihi. Add rin kita, goyo. Thanks. =)

    @Jayr: Abaw! Karay-a guid bah! Huod, pwede kaw kasulod rija kara anytime. Kag pwede kaw man kasulat kang kung ano imo gusto i-comment eh. Di mo lang ko pag-awayun. Hehehe. Salamat, je. =)