Saturday, May 14, 2011

Guest Post: Sex and Virginity

Hello again.

Today, I'm having another guest blogger. She's a lady. I'm really glad that she accepted my invitation, considering that she's a bit busy lately.

Making a topic list for guest bloggers is kinda hard. Each blogger is unique and has his own forte. I have to consider what kind of topic would be suitable for each blogger, so that he can deliver it well. As I have mentioned in my previous post, I have some sensitive topics in mind. Topics that I really want to discuss and have someone else's point of view. I want to have someone who is not afraid of having readers who disagree with what he had written down. Lucky for me, my guest blogger for this week is kind and brave enough to discuss this one somewhat sensitive issue.

This guest post is about PREMARITAL SEX and VIRGINITY. To be more specific, virginity in women. Is it still important nowadays? Do 20-year-old virgins still exist? Here is Kamil Tibayan, my guest blogger.. and this is what she has to say.

I don't encourage young readers to read this article. Make sure you're 18 years old and above. And also, this entry is purely opinionated. So feel free to agree or disagree. If your boyfriend asks you to get on the next level, would you say yes or no? Yes, I'm talking about sex. You can do it all right, but the real question here is, would you regret it afterwards? 
Having sex is as casual as it gets on in other countries. While few of our own believe the same, most Filipino still believe in marriage before intersection. In our defense, sex is a sacred thing and it is social norm to be involved with this kind of activity with your spouse only. Anyhow, we're not blind, so we know that not a few engage in this kind of activity even if they're not married. But still, we Pinoys usually want to give the best of ourselves to someone we believe (take note I say believe) will be ours forever and not just to a mere stranger we met at the bar.
If this is something we can talk about in front of our family dinner, the question is.. Do you think your subsequently-hiding-from-your-parents-while-making-out do you any good? I know it's thrilling. It's pleasurable. But in the end, it could be possibly just 90% lust or more. Parents tend to OVERTHINK. The moment they catch you in the couch locking lips with a guy, is also the moment they envision you being an undergraduate, jobless, single-mom with a poor baby to care for. 
People say "Don't do it!", because it is much safer and easier to give advice. But in my opinion, you can do it if you think you are responsible enough to carry the consequences. Oh and I'm NOT only talking about getting pregnant and the likes. I am also talking about the emotions you'll experience afterwards. Some guys could easily dump you after getting what they want, and you don't want that to happen to you, right?
If a guy tells you he'll leave you because you don't want a trip to his bed, well obviously you know the principle in this idea, use your brain, ladies. That guy is a jerk. Remember that if you start giving him some, he'll want more, and some more and more, more, more. It's a never ending bargain 'till you had lost it all. 
Anyway, I'm saying this because girls do have the privilege to say no, even if you're already in a dark, sexy, hot place, (wooohoo!) where you can freely do the deed. Stop and think. You're a super woman and I confidently tell you that. Why? 
In digestion (clearly, this word looks lost in here but please continue reading), remember how you feel sleepy after eating a heavy meal for lunch? That is because almost all of our brain juices and most of our body blood circulates down to our tummy for metabolism. That's a principle you must remember. Meanwhile, the same principle also applies when a guy is having his "flag ceremony". Less blood circulation to their head and more to their... uhhmmm... "other head". Not that they don't think, but they think less during that peak. You, as a girl, can think more. So decide.

Unless you're interested in one night stands and the likes, I won't argue with you. But to those who are not, let me tell you that after the pleasure, the sweat, the peak, the climax and what's not, there's a thick dull period, that say, "BANG! Okay I'm done", and it is as if nothing happened, like a boss. 
"Don't do sex." is a slogan for the social norm. It's safer and it is cheaper for explanation. I do respect that. But I'd rather say: "If you're in doubt, discard."

Again, you can do it if you think your responsible enough, but sadly that's not all you should think about. I told you to take note of the word believe, right? This is, if you believe without doubt that your guy could also be responsible enough of the same consequences as yours. So if you're in doubt of his maturity, I mean even just a little tiny bubbly little doubt, DISCARD! Or okay.. maybe just wait a little longer to drop the bomb. 
You're not in a marathon, so DO NOT hurry! You don't need to do it even if everybody's been doing it. There's a right moment for everything. Be patient.

So what's your answer? Is it a YES or a NO?

- Kamil

In conclusion. In our society today, there are lots of women who are ready to spread their legs for money. As with men, there are lots of them who are ready to pay for pleasure. Having pre-marital sex is the norms. Though I'm sure that there are still many men and women out there who still considers important factors (such as moral values, religious beliefs, unwanted pregnancies and getting STD's), before engaging in sex, it cannot be denied that such acts are committed frequently, at almost everywhere.

Having sex is like giving away a part of yourself. It's not simply about being naked, giving someone an orgasm and "getting it on". It has intense emotional consequences. The physical consequences ( pregnancy, STD's, etc) and the emotions that go with it. Feelings of pain, hurt, regret, guilt and even hostility arises. These can be pretty intense. It is a physical and emotional experience and it can affect our lives in ways that we cannot fully understand. Everyone's opinion about SEX and VIRGINITY is different. Some would want to wait until the right time comes or the right person arrives. Some would give in to peer pressure because they don't want to feel left out. Some would try just to satisfy their curiosity. And some would give in just to satisfy their partners. Whatever reasons that person has, only he/she knows them. As for me, having sex is NOT a crime and I'm all up for it, as long as I believe that my partner is responsible enough to show some backbone once unexpected consequences arise.

The decisions to engage in premarital sex and to lose one's virginity are very personal decisions, indeed. It is always an option to seek advice from a friend or a parent. And though they may have excellent pieces of advice to share, in the end, the decision is entirely up to you.

"Sex should be an expression of love — not something a person feels that he or she must do. When it comes to sex, there are two very important things to remember: 1) that you are ultimately the person in charge of your own happiness and your own body; and 2) you have a lot of time to wait until you're totally sure about it." - Anonymous

About the blogger:

Her name is Kamila Tibayan. She's a 20-year-old Filipina. A native of San Pedro, Laguna, this lovely lady loves to write and read books. Her choice of reading materials are non-fiction books and inspirational stories. She likes people-watching and eating out with friends during her downtime. A quote by Robert Fulghum, "Being an adult is dirty work, but someone has to do it." is her favorite. You could follow her on Twitter. Username: @kamilkshake. Do visit her blog, The Road To Kill and read her great posts.


  1. There is a quote that I read somewhere who is said by someone I can't remember. Well, the quote just says that when you have sex with your partner, you are also having sex with all the sex partners that you partner encountered in his or her life.

    I believe that there is a grain of truth from this thought. Sex is a very personal thing. It entails sharing yourself with another person. You don't just share "body fluids" during the process but you also share your inner self.

    Kaya nga sex is considered sacred and should only be done between husband and wife dahil this is an expression of being one flesh and body with your partner. Kung marami ka nang nakatalik, then ano pang special sa pakikipagtalik mo sa asawa mo?

  2. Mahaba. At aminado ako may part na nagskip read ako lol. Kanya kanya naman ng pananaw yan, modern days na kasi, basta di ako makarelate kasi usapang babae to... Hehe nice topic nga pala by kamila.

  3. sa tingin ko lang , tama ka hnd dapat minamadali. hehehe. joke lang. go lang ng go. hahahaha. ang mahalaga handa mo panagutan ag lahat ng magiging consequences

  4. I believe this same topic was my final paper for my high school English class. hehe. reading through this article, made me revisit what I have written on my paper years back.

    The earliest I could remember, I have long been liberal in my point re this topic. It is an individual call to weigh morals, define his or her own standards, no matter how the majority perceives it and act as you personally consider just and conscientious. If you do something without the guilt, considering the possible consequences and repercussions, by all means do it. You are accountable for your own actions.

    BTW, gusto ko ang ganitong "guest-blogger" concept. hehe. Masubukan nga rin.

    Great post!

  5. this is gonna be a long reply. sorry in advance and feel free to skip me. lol!


    make sure that when you say, "YES to the next level," you are willing to do it. And if unfortunately that relationship ended, NEVER regret anything. Because if you do, that's when you'll feel "dirty" about yourself and the more harder for you to move on. There is a thin line between lust and love. And no matter how thin that line is, make sure you'll do it out of love and always respect yourself. Any boy can love you solely for sex. But a MAN, will not just love you, but respect you as well.

    Our brain is up here for a reason: and that is to think things a hundred times over before we let a guy go down there. Like Kamil had said, we are in control, take advantage of that.

    Even in marriages, some people do cheat. Despite giving it all, some people just have that tendency to cheat. So, my simple advice to all the penises and vaginas out there, DON'T LOSE SELF-RESPECT We will all lose our virginity (or other had "it" surrendered already), and unfortunate things will unfortunately happen. We have no control on who will stay in our lives. There are just some things that fate decides for us. But not losing self-respect. It's a self-decision and loving and respecting ourselves is a privilege.

  6. my answer is YES, madaming YES...lels..Nice Kamil!

    Sorry, hindi ako masyado nakarelatesssssss..hehehe..

  7. Dahil sa Mga babae lang ang katanungan ni Kamil. So ang post na ito ay para sa kanila lang. kaya tabi-tabi po.

    nagbasa at nakiusyoso lang.

  8. This is an excellent post, raising some very pertinent points about a very sensitive issue!

  9. primarital sex? ok kung alam mo ang mga consequences.

  10. Thanks for the good info!

  11. Nice one Kamilla. Ikaw na nga! Medyo nagdoubt pa ako kung siya talaga to, bigla ko naisip yung mga post niya. Siya nga to. HAHA. May scientific basis pa.

  12. nice post! #lels

    Nagbasa ako ha...

    premarital??! ummmm....kwento ko sayo pag nagkita nalang tayo...ahahaha

    it still depends how you handle yourself..and to whom you're going to get under...

  13. Virginity is after all just a label.
    The value of a woman is so much more than the state of her hymen. And sex is just a part of her.
    It's time for the women of this age to own themselves. Werq it ladies!

  14. super thankyou Ms. leah FOR this opportunity, this was my first chance to get a glimpse of it... thanks for the opportunity... thank you for sticking on most of your edits. i was a concern that you might not post the edited version but finally glad to see that you did otherwise

    thank you for all the comments.. it is highly appreciated...

  15. mabruk kamila! bright thoughts very well said...

  16. weee.. ang cute pure white.. hehehe

  17. hmmmm... quite sensitive nga...all i can say is that sex is still sacred and should be done within the boundaries of marriage. bow! thanks leah for dropping by my blog!! i'm so sorry it's been a long time i haven't visited your blogs too...

  18. what is virginity anyway? db?

  19. napansin ko usually sa ibang mga guys they would always marry the girl yung di nila nabuntis or nakasex.

    kasi some guys just do it for fun or libog lang and they lose respect sa girls na bumibigay]

    kasi sa isip nila slut or easy girl ang girlfriend nila and she will sleep with any guy

  20. napansin ko usually sa ibang mga guys they would always marry the girl yung di nila nabuntis or nakasex.

    kasi some guys just do it for fun or libog lang and they lose respect sa girls na bumibigay]

    kasi sa isip nila slut or easy girl ang girlfriend nila and she will sleep with any guy

  21. nowadays is it important tlga un virginity pero pero sa iba oo lalo na sa mga guys pero what if nman sa mga girls pero this guest blogger was brave & hand salute for her! two thumbs up & a true person?

  22. 'flag ceremony', that just about killed me! hehe. i was LOL! (x

    you're not in a marathon, so don't hurry. -i like that quote!

    yes guys can't control what they feel. both parties should be responsible enough and are willing to accept the consequences of the act.

    believe it or not, but sex (including self pleasure/ masturbation) is a biological need.

    sex before marriage is ok for me, just that, both parties, i think, should know and agree whether they just wanna have a good time or whether they are doing it for love.

    nice post leah.. i'm taking my time to read your posts, esp the guest posts. and kamil, i love what she had to say!

  23. I agree about
    Ishmael Fischer Ahab said...
    i love what he had to say!..
    the best comment!!!!!!
    "then ano pang special sa pakikipagtalik mo sa asawa mo?"
    i'm so impress..!!!
    pls visit our site too...thanks

  24. no :)

    i value chastity

    plus i believe it's true "some guys easily dump girls after getting what they want"