Sunday, November 20, 2011

Guest Post: Domestic Violence


Heaven and Hell

Hello lovely readers of Super Leah. I'm Mayen and I blog over at Clicks and Cuts. I’m so glad to be your acquaintance today and hopefully someday we become good friends. When our dear friend here, invited me to guest blog, I feel honored. Wouldn't you if you were invited by awesome Ms. Leah herself? I bet you’ll say yes.

Now, I am going to talk about our little heaven and hell here on Earth. Intrigued? I hope so.

To most of us, home is where we feel the safest and where our loved one resides. Often we call it our little heaven on Earth. Unfortunately, there are others who call their home hell. Hell, because once they step on their front door, they know Satan is waiting to make them suffer again and again.

It’s not uncommon to us that violence is present in some families. Daughters being raped by their father, wife being beaten to death by her husband, son being molested by his father or other male members of the family, the scenario is endless. Yet, we cannot tell for sure by just looking at a person if he/she is abusive or not. Same goes with the victims of abuse, often, we cannot tell, if someone is in an abusive situation or not. People involved in this circumstances varies from poor to rich, uneducated to educated, nobody to famous or good looking to not so good looking. In other words, anyone can be abusive or victims of abuse.

Can you tell who among your peers, co-workers or co-church goers, call their home hell? Or can you tell who among them Satan is? Not until they tell you outright, or announced the world that they are. However, I’m sure none among them will tweet saying..

"Done raping my daughter #crossfingers, she wouldn't tell anyone"
"I beat my #wife @liza to death last night. Find out more on today's blog post http//ou.ka."
"My husband @akoni0609 just finished burning my legs with iron #mayherotinhell”.


The point is, to this day, when our society is becoming more and more liberated and people are becoming more open about their lives, the issue of violence in the family is still being hushed up. There are several reasons people involved, especially victims, kept quiet about it. One is fear. Yet, fear is connected to many things.

  • Fear of bringing shame to the family and to themselves. 
  • Fear of another family member being hurt if they tell. 
  • For most wife, fear of leaving their children in the hands of their abusive husband in case she decided to leave the marriage. 
  • Fear for her and her children’s security, because her husband is the sole bread winner. 
  • Fear of being killed by their perpetrator if they tell. 

Another common reason for keeping quiet while they endure abuse is that, they are still hoping that a miracle will come their way and stop the abuse. However, an abusive person almost always does not stop. They are exceptionally apologetic when they feel guilty though, but as soon as their patience is put to test they will snap again in no time.

There are studies that conclude most abusers were also victims themselves during childhood. Therefore, brings this social issue into a cycle. Unless someone stop abusing the members of their family, the cycle will goes on and on. Who knows, one of you might fall into the hands of an abusive person.

I would like to share this information, I found online years ago that will help you, especially women, to determine whether your current partner (boyfriend, fiancée, and husband) is potential abuser. However, I don’t eliminate the fact that there are some men who also suffer from abuse. Men can also benefit from this information. Before we proceed, let me just tell you that there are 2 types of abuse, verbal abuse and physical abuse.

You have to remember that abusive person is often, passionate, supportive and madly in-love with you but with negative characteristic such as these:

How to determine if your Partner is Abusive before He Actually Hurt You
From this Link: http://www.ilrctbay.com/upload/custom/abuse/content/abusers.htm

  • Irrational and baseless jealousy 
  • Keeps track of what you are doing all the time and criticizes you for little things. 
  • Prevents or discourages you from seeing friends or family, or going to work or school. 
  • Gets angry when drinking alcohol or using drugs. 
  • Humiliates you in front of others. 
  • Destroys your property or things that you care about. 
  • Threatens to hurt you or your pets, or does cause hurt (by hitting, punching, slapping, kicking, or biting). 
  • Uses or threatens to use a weapon against you. 
  • Forces you to have sex against your will. 
  • Blames you for his/her violent outbursts. 
  • Easily gets angry and shouts at people who he thinks has lower statute in life (driver, maid, waiter or guards)  

If your current partner possesses a lot of these characteristics, maybe you should consider getting out of the relationship as early as now. If you are already in an abusive situation you should get help now or tell someone you trust and ask for his/her help. There are several organizations that assist women and children survivors of violence. You should act now before it’s too late. Give yourself a chance to find your little heaven on earth and leave Satan to rot in hell.

In Social worker’s or to people who work to eliminate domestic violence, once a person come out from an abusive situation, even if he/she is still on the process of healing, we already consider her/him survivor. The world survivor alone can create a sense of pride to a person from abusive situation, which happens to almost lost his/her worth because of the abuse he/she endured.

I hope you learn something from this. I’m sorry if I gave you a long read today. I can’t help it. I want so badly for abuse to stop that’s why I tried to share as much as I can about domestic violence.

Remember, every person has worth and dignity and nobody has the right to take it away from them.

- Mayen


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"There are more pleasant things to do than beat up people." - Muhammad Ali


About the Blogger:

I'm Mayen, engaged, currently in a long distance relationship and I am a licensed social worker. I know that doesn't sound as good as engineer or architect or doctor, but it's a profession that's also requires 4 years in college and a license in order to practice. I just thought I’d share that information since, a lot of people are not aware of that fact. I love reading novels, eat sweets, I can dance but I can't sing and I create beaded accessories. Well, it's pretty hard squeezing all the words that describe me in one paragraph. Nonetheless, I have a blog that will tell you more about me, in case, you want to get to me better. I am looking forward to get to know you all as well! See you at Clicks and Cuts? Yes? Perfect!

24 comments:

  1. An absolutely wonderful post about a very touchy subject.

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  2. i have an officemate who was abused whe he was eight. yup, "he". a guy abused by his gay uncle. good thing he managed to moved on after that incident

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  3. nice post.
    maybe, obsession. isa po yun.
    God is here. Siya na po ang bahala.

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  4. natawa ako dun sa part about tweeting the abuse that they are doing. What if nga kaya may ganun.... shaks...

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  5. Napapamura me ng kalahati while reading this dahil sa violence na nangyayari sa family...pero muntikan na ako mahimatay ng mabasa ko ito

    "My husband@akoni06009 just finished burning my legs with iron#mayherotinhell". hahaha..

    Alam mo, ung mga pinsan ko, masasabi ko na abuser ung father nila,grabe kung paloin sila, parang wala nang bukas..naaawa me!`pero patay na tatay nila.

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  6. Tip ko sa mga babaeng inaabuso ng bf, asawa nila... iwan niyo na yan. Hindi pa katapusan ng bukas.

    Ganito kasi yan.

    Kung ginugulpe na kayo -- Kasalanan ng lalaki.

    Pero kung ginugulpe kayo palagi, at hindi niyo parin hinihiwalayan, at nakikipagbalikan parin kayo, gayong kaya niyo naman makipahiwalay -- kasalanan niyo nadin yon.


    Alam ko mahirap, pero please lang, tulungan niyo naman ang sarili niyo.

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  7. On a family's standpoint, knowing that a dominant family member, say, father or mother is abusive, it's gonna be hard for any parties to accept and ask help from people. Domestic violence is a universal thing, and for some countries, it's woven to their culture.

    I guess, what we need in this country is more of Mayen. More social workers. They are unsung heroes of the country. But if we gotta be long-term, we need to have solid foundation starting from education and church. Those are two institutions that molds moral and spiritual persona, a sure blunder for perpetuated abuses.

    I super like this post. Great job Mayen!

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  8. Domestic violence is indeed a very shameful thing, and a sensitive one too.

    But some excellent points were raised in this great post!

    Thank you.
    :)

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  9. Never experienced it myself, and don't know anyone who has either... I think.
    Let's hope it stays that way, things like these should be banished from the surface of the earth.

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  10. These are some topics that exist but never been spoken of. Society is a bitch, it bites the one who is already suffering.

    aJ

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  11. this was a really great post, and quite informative. i'm glad Mayen raised this topic and created more awareness of it. loads of people i know have been/still are victims of abuse. what they need most is the motivation, courage and willpower to be able to get out of abusive relationships that they are in. sometimes it's hard for me to believe that there are such cruel people out there who intentionally hurt and humiliate the people closest to them (in terms of relationships). it's really heartbreaking and it needs to stop. Mayen has done a great job by educating us bloggers about it and spreading the message.

    i think being a social worker is totally awesome! i admire Mayen for her career. :)

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  12. Mayen, I salute you for writing about such a serious issue.
    This was an amazing post ♥

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  13. ganda ng post ni mayen, hehehe. as expected.

    in addition to your post, i believe (pang mr universe lang)heaven and hell is located inside our hearts and mind. ^_^ what we think is what we are

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  14. Thanks so much for the wonderful comments guys and special thanks to Ms. Leah for giving me this opportunity. The most heartwarming compliments I received as a blogger, I got from here. I’ll try to visit each one of you soon, especially those I haven’t visited in the past. Thanks again. :)

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  15. Hello there sweetie! Thanks for the lovely comment, it means a lot to me!
    interesting post!

    Hope you're having a great evening!
    http://kikisbookofdreams.blogspot.com/

    My cooking blog, support me:
    http://kikiscookingtime.blogspot.com/

    xoxo Kiki

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  16. may kakilala akong inaabuso ng kanyang asawa sa probinsya namin. We all hated her husband pero wala kaming magagawa she still love her husband e.

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  17. Domestic violence is a crucial matter na di pwedeng ipagpaliban nalang. love this post

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  18. I can name a few people who does this kind of thing, and I must admit, I'm ashamed of not doing anything about it. I mean, who am I in the world to even bother when the victim itself wouldn't mind being abused or whatever, right?

    my friends would tell me, "mind your own business Mai"

    so, that's what I did. whatever. life is unfair.

    anyway, good job! ^_^

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  19. very nice post mayen..

    mamatay sana ang mga taong nananakit sa kanyang mahal s buhay..

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  20. wonderful guest post, mayen.
    yes, it seems our society has chosen to keep people mum about things like this, and i really hope this will change.

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  21. Wow. ang galing. napaganda ng post na ito sana maraming mabigyan ng pagasa na magisip kung may dinadaanan man na mga ganitong pananakit. Tama si Akoni di pa katapusan ng bukas.

    gumising ka at magpakatatag.

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