Friday, January 07, 2011

Life's Tests And Lessons


This post is totally RANDOM. Really. I just wanna share some things about.. things.

I was watching the movie Twilight this dull and boring afternoon. It's not about the movie.. Just keep reading, okay. So... A Twilight movie. I've got nothing better to do, anyway. Already did my chores. Done with the laundry. Cleaned my room. Finished and stacked the documents. Looked around and asked myself, "Now what?". A movie sounds like a pretty good idea. I turned my laptop on and searched for something good to watch. Then I remembered letting my friend borrow my external drive (wherein my movies are stored) a couple of nights ago. I just had 3 left on my Videos folder: Twilight, ScoobyDoo and Hannah Montana. I've watched ScoobyDoo a hundred times, and watching Hannah Montana just didn't feel right (at that very moment).. So Twilight, it is.

I'm not really a Twilight movie fan. Of course, I respect those people who's into it, but I honestly don't see what the fuss is all about. Is it because of the gorgeous Edward? Because of the pretty Bella? Or maybe because of the hunky Jacob. I mean, it's just your typical love story.. with a twist. But yeah, I love the books. I have copies of all three books and they're pretty good. The movies aren't bad.. but I prefer reading the book and letting my own imagination run wild with casting the roles and directing the scenes.

Anyway, going back to what I wanna share with all of you.. In the movie, I heard this song.. A song by Linkin Park, "Leave Out All The Rest". It speaks of love, of pain, of fear and of saying goodbye.

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I’m done here
So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I made
I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you
So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest
[End Chorus]

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

[Chorus]
When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed
Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory
Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You’ve learned to hide so well
Pretending
Someone else can come and save me from myself
I can’t be who you are
I can’t be who you are

Just yesterday, I came upon this one blog which tells a sad story about having lost someone so dear. With a flood of emotions and a torrent of memories, how can one say goodbye? When is the right time to say goodbye? How will I know that it is the right time? When that time comes, will there be good memories worth remembering? Will people even remember? Coping with a loss is very hard. But each and every one of us has our own way of doing just that.

I had been feeling down lately. I lost someone. And I lost myself. A defeat. A heartache. Whatever you may call it. I've been loving this person so much that I'm giving too much of myself. It bothers me that he treats me like an option rather than a priority, still I give and give. And in the process, I lost myself.

That day. It seemed like the world has come to an end. I had every reason to believe that. My idea of happy endings had been shattered. My dreams, blown away. But then I began thinking, maybe God has a plan ready for me and this is just a test. Maybe it is part of His plan that I feel and experience this sense of loss and grief, for me to appreciate love and happiness. Maybe this is just a part of the journey towards something much worthy of my attention.

Life was testing me and I blew it. Drowning in sorrow and self-pity.. It was disgusting. That was my defeat but it was just a temporary condition. Yes, I was down but I am standing up now. I won't give up. Giving up is what makes defeat permanent. They're all part of my past now. They're inside me and they'd always be there. But I'd try to move past those. I won't let things that knocked me down, keep me pinned down forever.

Yes, I've thought about giving up on love and life. The pain is fresh and the fear of loving another is ever present. The fear of death - death of love, of life.. of anything worthy of attention. The fear of loss. I am feeling that kind of fear everyday but it doesn't mean that I'd let it rule me. I will fall down again, sooner or later but it doesn't mean that I'd stop playing the game because I'm afraid of striking out. It doesn't mean that I'd stop loving because I'm afraid of getting hurt. With every fell, I'd stand up again, look back and LEARN not to step on that same slippery path again.

Everything does happen for a reason. I found myself again.. and my way back.


I may not have what I want right now.. I want to fix the relationship and make it work. But relationships are like glass. Very fragile. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken and untouched than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together. Besides, I'm quite sure that I'd get everything that I need, sooner or later. I will still make mistakes. I will still get hurt and feel the pain. I will still slip at some slippery path. I'm still afraid. But hey, I am learning, loving and living. And with that, when my time comes, I'm sure I will be remembered.

And guess what.. I am smiling again. ☺




37 comments:

  1. tama b tong nbabasa ko? :(

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  2. its good na nakabalik ka na. see, ure strong enough.. (dudugo ang ilong ko dito tagalugin na lang hehehe).

    o ayan, bagong taon na ate leah. darating din ang panahon na tatawanan mo na lang itong yugtong ito ng iyong buhay. just just just.. hmmmm just keep on smilin na lang.. ccchheerrrzzz

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  3. nang leah..T.T

    nakakalungkot,parang ramdam na ramdam ko ang sakit ng kawalan..

    pero alam kong you really are a strong person and you can overcome this one.. :) nanag leah, aja! :)

    P.S
    yung song, favorite ko ya.. :) may guitar chords ako niyan noong 2nd year pero nawala ko..

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  4. weeeee ate magiging okay ka din for sure. :)

    buti naman bumalik ka na. pulutin nyo nang sabay naman yung nabasag sa inyong dalawa. i mean wag lang ikaw ate ang gagawa.

    i 'll pray for you ate. :D

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  5. teka ako ba yung nabanggit mo dito?LOL

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  6. i know you'll be ok. and yeah, twilight books are way better than movies :)

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  7. Ayy.. Wala na talaga Ate Leah? Akala ko aayusin niyo pa o maayos niyo pa. Tsk tsk. :( Nafeel ko naman na sad na sad ka. Tama yan, cheer up and smile. :)

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  8. ganon, kailangan talagang mga ganito. as in i woke with this fear...
    kaya mo yan leah

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  9. ganun talaga. may nawawala. you just have to go through the 5 steps. i believe that you are strong. so cheerup na. lets just be optimistic :)

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  10. psst., leah! kaninong blog ang tinutukoy mo? hehe parang akin? :D

    uu nga. it's so hard to be left by a loved one. mas masakit pa ang iwanan kesa mang-iwan.

    Life is somehow about mixed emotions. We feel down and sometimes so high but life teaches us to move on. Moving on does not mean forgetting but rather taking another chapter and learning from each step that we take. :)

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  11. Hi Leah,

    I was so intuned by this post. I was in a great pain as well. Brokenhearted and been hurt a lot. But you know, like what youve said, God has a reason for everything. Sometimes, were blinded by the things we see by our naked eye but we dont see the things that are unseen.

    Keep the faith and keep on praying!

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  12. Glad you are smiling again. That's a start. Now on the road to healing.

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  13. sometimes letting go is the only answer. I think clearing up your room did you well:)

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  14. let me hear this song >.< mm I think makakarelate ako d2 ate,, >.< hehe

    anyway.. I think Twilight movie is so much overrated? >.< well, sorry to those fans >.<

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  15. Hi Ms. Leah..sorry pl kung hindi ko man lang ikaw natulungan sa napagdaanan mo.. sorry.. kase hiningi mo help ko..kaso wala ako nabigay..

    alam ko naman na mapagdadaanan mo pa yan eh...Ano yung Trash Bin? Ngayon ko lang nakita yun ah...

    hehe tsaka thank you hindi mo tinapak-tapakan ang twilight...

    hahaha hindi naman ako super addicted dun..pero once ko kase naging peyborit yun... at yyun lang.. hahahahahha

    sana maging okay ka na ms.leah... kaya mo yan..

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  16. At hahaha at alam ko kung anong blog tinutukoy mo..kay Nas... x)

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  17. Hi Ate Leah! Keribels 'yan! Pak! Mwah! Smile lang lagi. :) Ang galing-galing naman ng realizations. :)

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  18. may painful love story bang nagaganap sa pahinang toh? sa mga nababasa ko sa comments ay parang meron. hmmm.. naiintriga ako. susubaybayn ko toh.

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  19. ahaha. Love Linkin Park :) am a big fan. hehe.

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  20. Amen Amen. ^_^

    Kaya mong lagpasan yan.Kaya mong mag-move on at mag-move forward!

    Go forth. Do what you can do and prosper!

    Just put all you faith and hope to God.

    Just put all your love to God. Kasi, kung God ang minahal mo, siguradong hindi ka Niya iiwan.

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  21. Hi Ne...

    I admire your resolve to move on...
    I know and believe that you can make it, and that someday you'll find that happiness you seek... For His plans are always better than we can imagine...

    Always sing happy songs while waiting for that time... They warm the heart...

    Be well!

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  22. it's great to know that you're becoming strong and moving on. :)
    i used to like that Linkin Park song but i stopped listening to it a while ago.
    i love your blog, it's sooo adorable. thanks for following mine! it means a lot to me. and i'm following you back. :D

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  23. it's nice to know you are back on track. falling down doesn't mean that you have been defeated. it's about how composed you are when you stand up and about how you continue your journey armored with the things that you have learned. you are only defeated when you stop trying.

    i can feel that things will go waaaay much better. :)

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  24. @Istambay: Hehe. Dahil sa iyong komento, ako ay napa ismyl nang todo. Hihi. Salamat. =)

    @Kat: Salamat.. Magiging okay rin ako. Ay nawala mo yung chords? Tsk.. Okay lang, hanap na lang tayo sa net. Hehe. Thanks Kat. Aja! =)

    @Kyle: Oo nga, dpat dalawa kami.. Pero since alam kong tamad yun, eh di hayaan ko na rin lang. Bwahaha! Joke. Salamat Kyle.. pero siguro hindi na pwedeng buuin ang isang bagay na sobra nang sira. Salamat sa pagdaan.. =)

    @Bino: Yay.. apir tayo. Books are way better than the movies.. =)

    @Yow: Wala na talaga, Joshua.. Tinatamad na rin kasi ako. Parang pa-uli-ulit na lang kasi.. Anyway, okay lang din naman ako. Salamat sa pagbisita! =)

    @Diamond R: Salamat po, Kuya Rommel.. I know, kaya ko to. =)

    @Nyabach0i: Ano yung 5steps na yun? Share naman oh.. Hehe... =)

    @Chamz: Thank you. Ang ganda ng mga sinabi mo.. I'd remember that. Salamat. =)

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  25. @xander: Sawi ka rin ba sa pag-ibig? Hehe... I know I'll be okay. Salamat sa pagbisita, Xander... God's with me. =)

    @Fredamans: Thanks so much.. I am now on the road to healing.. =)

    @Mayet: Hehe.. Yun din po naisip ko. Cleaning up the clutter in my room did me well.. hehe. Parang it was like cleaning up my llife.. sort of. Haha.. Thank you po sa pagdaan. =)

    @Papabear: Andun yung song sa isang blog ko, yung Trash Bin... But you can find it sa net. It's a nnice song, actually.. Ang sarap pakinggan. I love Linkin Park. =)

    @Kamil: Hehe.. Okay lang, Kamil. No biggie. I'm doing okay na rin kasi.. only a few days or "mourning" then okay na. Sabi nga ni fredamans.. on the road to healing. Yes, I'm talking about Nas.. hehe.. =)

    @Dhang: Keribels na keribels. Hehe.. Thank you sa pagbisita Dhang. =)

    @Chikletz: hehe. Meron talagang painful love story.. pero magiging okay rn ako. Hehe. wag ka nang maintriga, boring ang lablayp ko eh. hehe.. =)

    @Nowitzki: So do I! Hehe.. I totally love Linkin Park! =)

    @Ishmael: Amen... With God, anything's possible. I am moving on.. Salamat, Ishmael. =)

    @Nong Mark: Yeah.. medyo mahirap pero kakayanin. Though my dreams had been shattered, I'm trying to put all the pieces back together. Magiging okay rin ako.. Salamat sa pagbisita, Nong Mark. *hugs

    @Syieranaur: hehe.. Thanks. =)

    @Furre Katt: Thanks a lot, Katt.. It's a pleasure following you blog. Take care. =)

    @Rainbow Box: Whoa.. nice choice of words, Rose. I'll keep it in mind.. Salamat. =)

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  26. Hey Leah. Thanks for dropping by my blog page and for sending me a chat message.

    http://brownbugz.blogspot.com

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  27. Salamat Leah sa comment. Be strong kayang lagpasan yan.

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  28. I'm not a Twilight fan too. Harry Potter's still the best for me. :)

    Linkin Park rocksss!

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  29. iyak mo lang yan leah, tapos na! maghintay ka lang sa prince charming mo at darating yon, dont waste ur love and time to a stupid man.... bagay sa kanya " one wood is enaf for a stupid man" wag kang emo dyan marami pang gwapo katulad ko este nila hehheehehehe

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  30. naks.. naka move on na si ateh!! hehehe..

    tama yan, dapat lagi tayong positive sa buhay. kahit ano pang shit yan, dapat tapakan gracefully. :D

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  31. I think I would have watched ScoobyDoo :-)

    God bless you and have a great week

    ~Ron

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  32. Thanks for checking my blog out and following me! Good post(:

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  33. grabe na to ha.. emo much.... dont worry everything will be ok.. just smile :D

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  34. Sorry this is a very very late comment! I'm a little behind on blog reading.

    I think saying goodbye, is something that should happen by itself. It's not something we should interfere in. and that is the best way as well. it may take a day, months, or even years, but you'll know when the time is right.

    and in my case, i don't want to say goodbye, i want some of the pain to stay, i want some of the strings to stay attached as it all reminds me just how special that person was.

    may God give you the strength to bear this loss and may you enter the sunny part of life after the storm finishes soon
    =]

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