S is for Scar.

Scar.

Probably one of the most hated Disney villains ever. He killed his own brother. Planned to kill his only nephew. Turned his back on his own kind and sent hell to the Pride Lands. But what is the story behind Scar? How did this lion become so twisted? What made him want to kill his own flesh and blood?

Nobody is born evil. No one is born with his heart full of anger, hate and pain. Scar and Mufasa were once great friends. True brothers. Then, Mufasa was chosen to be the next King. As a younger cub, he watched Mufasa being trained by their Father and molded to perfection as the next King. And he, the second born, will forever live under Mufasa's shadow. He kept all the anger, the jealousy, the pain.. all bottled up inside him. And he snapped. With no one there to guide him into the light, he just chose to live in the darkness. He became twisted. Hate became him. He was Taka, no more. He became Scar.



I am Scar. This is my story.

[Begin Monologue]


#InHisShadow.

Scar sits upon the mighty Throne of Mufasa, sleeping. His head lays upon the support behind him. Twitching slightly within his sleep, because of a bad dream. Slowly he wakes up shouting the words loudly through the Palace. "WHAT ABOUT ME!" Scar blinks quickly rubbing his eyes as he shot awake. He then rubs his eyes slowly, with a soft sigh, and a small yawn. " .. Ngn.. What on earth.. Why was I dreaming of such memories.. "

Scar's rough scruffy voice echoes even in a soft tone. Slowly he rose from the throne shaking his wary head. He was upset, but not angry. No, he was saddened. By his memories haunting his being for ever so long. His feet dragged over the floor as he makes his way through the large halls toward the private chambers of himself. He rubs his temples slowly, with two fingers, his eyes clenched tightly. Once he reaches the chambers, he opens up the door, throwing it shut behind him, how ever it slightly opened ajar still. Scar makes his way toward the bed, and just drops on it stomach down. Within seconds, he fell asleep once again. Within his dream he finds himself in his chambers the way he came in. He wakes up in his dream. Slowly rising. Then he hears a voice echoing through the room.

''My son.. You have failed to do what you were meant to do..''

Scar looks up with a growl narrowing his eyes slightly at the voice. "Who goes there within MY Chambers?.. You must have a logical explanation for this.. Reason yourself!" Scar roars angrily not wanting anyone within his chambers at all times, unless invited. Slowly his chambers begin to glow an eerie white. As an apparition slowly showed itself before Scar. It was the father of Scar.

With a growl, Scar glares at him, but his features soften up as he took a good look. "Father..? What are you doing here.. This must be a dream, you are deceased." Scar logically thinks but he was still slightly frightened by this.

''No my Son. I am very disappointed in you. You let the Pride Lands go to waste. You have made enemies, and slaves. Not friends. Not family.'' Scar glared again, but again it softened up blinking. "What are you speaking of Father.. Did you come here to tell me only I am a disappointment to your family?"

''No My Son.''

"It would not be the first time you have done such a thing.. "

''You are now.. a Shame to this land.. You have wasted what was left of it.. Banished your Brother, exiled your Nephew... This Throne was not yours, it must never be yours.''

Scar's eyes widened slightly, as it filed with sadness. How ever he growled glaring at him. ".. You never did believe in me.. You never had faith.. I am a good King.. a Noble one.. "

''You are not the King Mufasa I--''

"I am.. TEN TIMES THE KING MUFASA IS! ... You were too blind to see it!"

A small tear falls down his cheek as he walked up to the apparition. "Father.. Wh-What does Mufasa have what I do not.. Why him.. You have.. You have shunned me the moment I was born.. Never did you once.. not ONCE Granted me favors, not Once did you took me out to the stars and pointed me to the Kings of the Past.. Not Once was I invited to the Pride Rock.. Not once.. " Scar looked away growling a little. "Not once was I told I was a good Son."

''Son, I have done right, choosing Mufasa as a King. You have ruined these lands."

"No.. I.. I did not! Even after your death, you come back to tell me I am still nothing but a failure! You wish me to be a good Son.. You do not even know me! You never took time to even speak with me!''

"Taka, liste--''

"NO! You never Listened to me before.. Why should /I/ listen to you now! No.. You Listen to Me for a change! You are the one who made me in what I am today! All my life I did nothing but try and please you, try and be a good Son.. The Son you wish to have.. but always Mufasa was pulled first.. I lived in the shadows of my Own Brother.. I tried to impress you with my roars, with my speed, with my brain.. I even provided for you and Mother with a Zebra.. But all I got was a simple nod.. No.. But when Mufasa learned something simple.. Then you ran off to speak to your fellow Lions about it! To share it with all of Africa! Mufasa learned how to pounce.. Big deal Father! But to choose him.. Over me.. That moment.. You broke my heart. You broke it more than it already was! You shattered it into a million pieces, and did not even care enough to comfort me! From that day Forth I did not even exist in your eyes.. Why not..?" His tears rolled now down his cheek, collecting a small wet spot on the ground before him.

"Was I.. Was I just a Lion who took up space? Was I but a example for Mufasa, so you could say that this is what he will be if he does not listen?.. If it were not for the Hyenas.. "

''The Hyenas are a disgrace for th--''

"The Hyenas! They were the only ones who helped me! The ones who kept me alive from killing myself! The ones who told me I was better than Mufasa.. The ONLY ONES! But where else was I to turn then? I had no friends.. Mufasa took them all.. I had no Father.. He pretended he only had one Son.. I had no Mother, for she only dealt with you. I was alone.. ALONE! What King are you, to not even grant your Son a smile! To not acknowledge him when he speaks.. Not not even say.. I love You.. Or I am Proud of you.. " Scar slowly sank to his knees with a loud sigh, a sad sigh. His tears, hot and wet, streamed faster down his cheek.

''My Son, you are correct. I have not granted you anything in life. I wish I could have done it differently. Perhaps then you would not have been this. The way you are. Evil. Your heart is but clouded with Darkness.''

"No.. No it is not.. I am not Evil.. I am nothing like that.. You wish to know the Truth.. Do you?!" He looks up his eyes flashing slightly. "I.. I am Jealous of my Brother. Why would I not be.. He has everything.. A Kingdom.. A Son.. Strength.. But most of all.. He has the Love of a Father.. I.. I am not Evil.. "

Slowly the apparition fades, leaving Scar in a dark room sobbing quietly, with the Lions cries. Slowly Scar wakes up, even in the real world he stays on the bed shaking his head, crying softly to himself.

"I.. I am not Evil.. I am.. I am simply Misunderstood.. I am.. Alone.. "


[End Monologue]

"Was I just a Lion who took up space?" ... This is just heartbreaking.

Follow Twisted Scar on Twitter. #TwistedDisney

Twisted Scar: @TwistedKingScar  

E is for Elephant.

Elephants.

They fascinate me. They are large but gentle creatures. Huge feet. Flapping ears. Long nose/trunks. They are very fascinating. It is also said that elephants are intelligent and have very good memories. Elephants are the largest living land animals on Earth today, according to Wikipedia. It is just sad that their numbers are dwindling.

From then until today, the elephant population is continually threatened by poaching and ivory trade. People kill these elephants for their tusks. These large, slow-breeding animals cannot hide from poachers and take years to reproduce. One kill, that's all it takes.. and the hope for reproduction is then cut in half. What the elephants use to dig for water, search for food or occasional weapons for survival, people kill and get these tusks for money.





And they say animals are dangerous. I say otherwise. These humans never fail to amaze me with their arrogance, stupidity and their being downright heartless. (pouts and crosses arms) Shame.




Note: Video contains sensitive material.

The Anonymous

*Two messages in one blog post. Divided. The first one's for my hater/stalker. And the second one's for the "concerned" person who left me a message in Formspring. I'm not sure if they're the same person. Or maybe the first one is a boy and the second one is a girl. Both are anonymous. Never left tracks. Please excuse me for the use of some nasty words. I'm sorry but I don't want to edit them anymore.

[Start Rant]

I've never thought that a single question on Formspring will get me fired up to make a blog post.

Napakaingay mo at immature! Bakit di ka pa mamatay?
Translation: You're so loud and immature. Why aren't you dead yet?



I got the same message last month. This person left a comment in my blog post and said the same thing. I don't know this person. He's so freakin' brave to not leave his name. Yeah. He left an anonymous comment wishing me dead.

I think it's safe to assume that this person is talking about me, being very loud on Twitter. And it's also correct to assume that this person is following me on Twitter. He or she does have a point. I talk/tweet too much. I know that. I am not denying that. And maybe he or she is not having any fun at all at reading my tweets.

Sure, Twitter is a true test of self-control. But it is also one of the best medium for self-expression. Twitter is a mini-blog. There, I am able to say what's on my mind in brief summaries. There, I'm able to communicate and have conversations with people from across the globe. There, I'm having fun.

Now tell me this. Why is it MY fault if you're not?

You.

I don't get why you really wish me dead. Did I do something to you? Did we even meet? Did we talk on Facebook or have conversations on Twitter? Have I pushed the wrong buttons, triggering such hostile emotions? What did I do? Did I steal your lunchbox or something? Did I eat your cookie?

Why do you hate me so much and wish that I'm dead? Why do you f+ckin attack me, bitch?

What I don't understand is.. if I am tweeting too much and I'm getting too "loud" for your taste, why do you have to go through the torture of reading my f+cking tweets?? Have you heard of the Twitter word UNFOLLOW?

I love Twitter. And I am not giving that up because of your insecurities, whoever the hell you are. Go get a life and don't bother me.

Stop killing yourself by reading my tweets because it's not my fault. You have the right to unfollow me. If you can't stand to see my face on your Twitter timeline, then GET OFF MY F+CKIN' PAGE!!

[End Rant]

.........................................................

Hello leah, you used to be cool, but now you're not. Your inner beauty made your physical beauty shine even more... but that was THEN. Now, you're just another blogger who can use words but your words are empty. I miss the old you.

With who you are right now, I have seen imperfections that I never knew existed with your old self. You clamor for attention, but you want so much of it that you're pushing people away.

But that is who you are, or perhaps who you want to become. I just wish you happiness. If what you're trying to achieve now makes you happy, then by all means. keep doing what you're doing.

I do get annoyed sometimes that you try to act like someone you're not. I miss the simplicity that you once had, it was parallel to how you look and who you are. Take care!




Thank you. I never really thought that I am cool. I thought of myself as weird. Good weird. I have imperfections. I have flaws. And that just makes me human. It's nice to know that you did find me cool at that time. And I'm so sorry if you now find my words empty. That was the saddest thing for me. Empty words.

Have I changed? Yes. But for the better or for the worse? Judging from the tone in your message, I'd say for the worse. That is your observation and I respect that. But it would have been nice to have you respect me, as well. You should have told me your name. You should have talked to me and reached out to me. Instead of having to resolve the issue that YOU have found in me, it got me really confused. If there is something wrong, you should have confronted me. I can take it. At least, you're not as hostile as the one I've mentioned above.

We all have imperfections, and I guess, one of mine is being so talkative on Twitter. But do I clamor for attention? No. I really don't.

If you've read my post a couple of days ago, I've mentioned that I tried STARPing.. or RPing. Role Play. It's like having conversations with fictional characters. Most of the time, they only use regular tweets instead of mentions. That way, the followers and everybody will be able to see the conversation. If this is the crime.. then I apologize. I will try to avoid subtweeting and will tag the persons I'm talking with.

Yes, sometimes I act like someone I am not. Just because I have a RP character. Also, a lot of retweets and shoutouts are done in the RP world. At least, that's what I've observed.

I, personally, do not crave attention. But my Twitter character does.

"Iba ako sa totoong buhay. Iba ako pag nasa Twitter ako. Madaldal lang po ako kapag online. Halos hindi ako nagsasalita kapag sa personal. Madaldal kapag nasa Twitter, lalo na nung pumasok ako sa mundo ng RP at nagkaroon ng "virtual character".

I don't push people away. I don't. I just don't. Did I push you away? If I did, then I must have done it without really knowing about it. For that, I am sorry. The only problem here is that I don't know who you are. How can I make it up to you, if I don't know where to start? How can we patch things up and try to resolve things if I don't know who you are?

We all change. People change. I am enjoying Twitter. I am happy. But upon reading your messages, it got me so confused. And not knowing who you are, got me a bit paranoid. I don't know where you're coming from, and I don't know why you were able to say those things.

Is it too straining for you to give me a nudge and say "Hey, can we talk?"..

Letting Go and Moving On..

When my boyfriend and I broke up February of last year, I never wrote a thing about it. I didn't see the need. All I felt that time was anger. I was angry at him.. at the world.. at life. It was unfair. But I kept it all inside. For about a month, I continued living with a mask on my face, telling myself that I'm okay, convincing the people around me that I'm feeling great. Which was a total lie.

Being betrayed is very painful. It is one of the worst feeling there is.. Like a thousand knives, stabbing you at the back. To have your trust, broken by the very person you love.. it is something that can never be forgotten. But when I accepted the help of some good friends, I had finally closed the door. It was swift. It was easy. After accepting the fact that it really was over, I finally let go and moved on.

A good friend of mine wrote this 3 years ago. His story may be different from mine, but some of his words are the words I would have uttered as my heart bled that day.. 12 months ago.

The Tale of The Closed Door 

by Joseph Maynard Acallar

"10:28AM

04-11-09

What I knew all along has to be shoved in my guts so that I can accept them and when something is shoved inside your guts, it’s damn painful. But for the better, I guess.

I knew all along that what has been is just that, a thing of the past. And futility has always been with me in my efforts to bring it back. I have always been able to come out of anything with anger. I get angry, I stay away. But with you, I can never get angry – at least, angry to the point of throwing all those that we’ve had. You said that you’ll try to conquer the distance, and because I’m gullible when I’m dealing with you, I believed it. All I wanted was to feel that you’re giving your efforts as well. But I can’t. Like you care anyway. I sometimes believe that it was all orchestrated, and sooner or later, you will have to claim your academy awards trophy. But most of the time, I believe that everything was real, but real only for that short span of time.

We’ve talked about it. And you know me, and I believe that I understood you too. They think that everything they see is like the other things that they see. And we heard rumors. And we laughed about those because we knew what we had. .

‘What we had’.

Until now, I will never deny that those few months has etched its mark in my brain. Either I buy a new brain or kill myself, there and then will that mark be removed. When I’m happy, I remember those and I smile. When I’m sad and lonely, like what I’m currently feeling because of the residue from what we had that accumulated and clogged my judgment when it comes to other persons, I remember those things and I have to try and hold back the salty liquid.

I had fun. I thank you for that. What’s left are memories - which I have no use for anymore - and the strongest lessons that you’ve given me through our friendship. Lessons that made me realize what I’m actually capable of, and what my greatest weaknesses are. But the worst thing that this has left me is a great vulnerabilty. I find it hard to trust anymore. And I’m just about to ruin a great friendship because of this. Or I’m ruining it already. Because I’m afraid that this person will be like you too, sooner or later, well in fact, I know that, I’m sorry to say this, the person is a whole lot better than you. The person is different. And that is what I have been telling myself amidst the strong paranoia that I have been feeling lately.

My friend. I will have to close the door. It’s hard and once in a while, I will feel the urge to peek. But believe me, I will close it. I won’t let the storm come inside my dwelling again. This closing will mean nothing to you now, I know. But at least, it matters to me.

You said that it will be ‘until the bitter end’. This must be it. The bitter end that you’ve foreseen. I hate doing this, but I’m glad that once and for all, its over.

It’s easter sunday, and a new life awaits.

Take good care.

ALTASHHETH™

11:04AM

April 11, 2009"



I did have trouble trusting someone after what happened. I've developed this awful paranoia that all men are alike. But a few good men proved me wrong. To Ralph and Dylan... Thanks. ♥ Everyone is different, and I learned that I shouldn't judge all men, just because one hurt me.

To Robinson, I have closed the door but yes, I will always have its key. I may sneak a peek, sometimes. I may look back, once in a while. Never will I forget about you. You are part of my past, after all. But as it is over, that is where you will stay forever. Live a good life. - Leah

Guest Post: Expectations

Expectations

There are so many things people expect from other people. There are things that are expected out of family, friends and significant others. We expect certain things to be done for us, kind words to be said when we most need it and when people fail to do the things we expect out of them, we get mad and disappointed.

You know what's worst? When we expect a person do to something or say something yet we don't give hints to what we want them to do or say (or don't want them to do). People aren't mind readers after all, what kind of result do you think you're going to get? Not good ones, I assure you. So please stop frowning and moaning over what that or this person did to you, if you haven't even told them that those things really do hurt you.

If we stopped expecting things from people, we'd stop hurting so much. That gut wrenching feeling wouldn't hurt as much. If we didn't put high expectations to everything a person does, it wouldn't be a major disappointment when that person is no longer able to "please our expectations".

Well either way, William Shakespeare said it best: "Expectation is the root of all heartache."

It no longer hurts that badly if a friend or a significant other (not that I ever had a significant other - but this post isn't about my nonexistent love life) does something that I wouldn't approve of or disappoint me, because I no longer expect things out of them.

One could argue that that's not something good; we should always expect the best out of people. But the thing is, I don't expect the worst out people either. I'm...well I'm not sure what I am but the thing is, when we put our own expectations of others on the shelf, life is going to be so much better.

I'm just saying. If you stop always expecting things out of people, it wouldn't feel like life is always fucking you over with all these disappointments.

- Mona

...................................

"When one's expectations are reduced to zero, one really appreciates everything one does have." - Stephen Hawking 

“Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed.” - Alexander Pope 

About the Blogger:

I'm Mona. Sixteen-years-old but it ain't sweet *snap* ;) I live in Norway and I'm willingly unemployed boyaaah! nah, I'm lying. Nobody wants to hire me. The way to my heart is through my stomach, I love food. And gingers and the Irish accent. I actually don't know what else there is to say so....*awkward pause* bye!

Blog: Conceal Your Thoughts
Twitter: @Munsay

Guest Post: Unrequited Love

Unrequited Love

Waddup!

My name is Isha Shekinah, but in the blogosphere, I'm pretty much known as "ishashime". I actually like blogging, even though it was a spur of the moment thing for me. I also like to fit it in between studying (barely) at UP Manila. I'm 18 and a third year speech pathology student (google this!) at the aforementioned university. I don't even know how I'm surviving (but I am, by some form of divine intervention, so yay for that). Anyway, I'm pretty much in my element when I'm laughing and making people laugh. It's my thing, you know? The rest of the time I'm either eating, being weird or drawing in Paint. Also, I suck big time at introductions, so on to my guest post, eh?

Unrequited love. Ah, it sounds so deep and interesting and I like how it rolls off your tongue. Especially if you say it with a British accent. But hey, everything's better with a British accent. Anyway, the point is, unrequited love can be summarized quite accurately in these three panels:

But really, what drives a person to continue on loving someone despite the very clear fact that the chance the other person would love him or her back is almost nonexistent? Well, I'm going to have to say that...I don't really know either. This is actually coming from someone who suffers from unrequited love herself. Yes, me in all my awesome glory likes someone who for some reason doesn't seem to like me back. Strange, 'no? In all seriousness, though, I do have a couple of theories for why I personally continue on fighting for the seemingly already lost battle for this one guy's affections (and my own counter-arguments):

He's probably just shy. Yeah, that's it. This explains why he doesn't look at me, doesn't talk to me, doesn't talk about me with anyone. He's shy. Very, very shy. No, he's actually not. He's doing all that (or rather not doing anything) because frankly, he honestly, truly, genuinely doesn't really care about you and probably doesn't even know you exist. True story, bro.

He's waiting for the right moment to make a move. It may not be now, it may not be tomorrow, and it may not even be in a hundred years, but he's waiting for it and I'll wait along with him. What is this cheesy load of crap? While you're "waiting", slap this quote onto a stock photo of a desert sunset with Helvetica or the overused "indie" font in movies like Juno and Away We Go, why don't you? Blegh.

The signs! He looked at me for a full two seconds! A FULL TWO SECONDS DARN IT! Yeah, well he looked at a can of Coke for three. That kind of says a lot in itself.

He's just very intimidated by me. Yes, you and all your awesome quirks and "special-ness". Time to run for president?

He's afraid of commitment or losing me if things go wrong and he'll have to live without me. He'd rather remember me as that perfect girl who he's never been with, but had always wanted. Seriously? All these darn over-analyzations are kind of creepy now. Plus, it would be better to divert all this wasted brain power to something more useful. And no, I do not mean making an unusually lengthy and depressing poem about it. I was thinking more on the lines of inventing something that thoroughly scrapes off every last ounce of Nutella from those darned Nutella jar corners.

There.

So you see, ladies and gentleman, I'm sure you'll find it hard to not admit that going on with unrequited love is pretty dumb, once you think about it. However, I'm also pretty sure that most, if not all of you, are still going to go on with it, because in the end, we all have one thing to blame. No, it's not ourselves. That's too degrading. We're all special and I'm sure we're all going to find someone who would happily reciprocate our love. It may not be an easy road on the way to finding that person, but he or she is out there. Rather cheesy, I know, but this isn't just something to make us feel better about our situation. It's actually true, in a way. Now, on a final note:

"Darn you, love and your complications!"

Sincerely,

.................................................................

"Although love unreturned can drive you to despair, trust that somewhere out there, someone is waiting just for you." - Anonymous

About the Blogger:

Her name is Isha Shekinah, but she's known as "ishashime" in the blogosphere. She's 18 years old, a third year Speech Pathology student at the University of the Philippines - Manila. She loves blogging and chocolates. She also enjoys playing video games and drawing in MS Paint. Do visit her blog The Blues, The Blahs and the Blarghs and read her awesome posts.

Guest Post: Marriage and Divorce

Marriage and Divorce

Marriage[i]: (noun) The state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognised by law.[ii]

Marriage brings together not just two people in union, but also two families (in most cases), two communities (in some cases) and also has the potential to unite two countries. It can break down barriers that may have been erected due to family feuds[iii], distances created after arguments among friends and rekindles the ties of kinship with long lost brothers and sisters. It is a contract made to give social recognition and legality to the union and in religious terms, acceptability in the eyes of God. Marriage is probably located near the top if not at the top of many people’s life decisions. After all making a commitment with someone to spend the rest of your lives together is no small thing. So what’s the point?

Marriage is a vast subject on which many people, by far more learned than me, have written a vast number of books. I was asked to discuss whether divorce in particular depreciates the sanctity of marriage. Before I give my thoughts on this, it is important to understand the philosophy behind marriage and why some people choose to describe it as having sanctity.

Sanctity[iv]: (noun) 1. Holiness of life and character. 2. The quality or state of being holy or sacred.

It is in religious lexicon that one finds reference to holy things and it is therefore no surprise that the importance of marriage is highly stressed in all world religions. One of the main reasons is because it acts as a deterrent and stops one from indulging in immoral and sinful practices as it reminds the person of the contract they had made with their wife or husband. It gives restraint and makes people think twice before ‘messing’ with another person who is married or if they are married themselves. In short marriage provides the building blocks of a healthy family, dissuades individuals from indulging in adultery and being promiscuous. It is for this reason, that the contract of marriage is holy. Yes there are some people who despite being married still do commit adultery but that cannot be attributed to marriage. And this contract I believe is the crux of the matter when it comes to the marriage and divorce debate.

Life's Tests And Lessons

This post is totally RANDOM. Really. I just wanna share some things about.. things.

I was watching the movie Twilight this dull and boring afternoon. It's not about the movie.. Just keep reading, okay. So... A Twilight movie. I've got nothing better to do, anyway. Already did my chores. Done with the laundry. Cleaned my room. Finished and stacked the documents. Looked around and asked myself, "Now what?". A movie sounds like a pretty good idea. I turned my laptop on and searched for something good to watch. Then I remembered letting my friend borrow my external drive (wherein my movies are stored) a couple of nights ago. I just had 3 left on my Videos folder: Twilight, ScoobyDoo and Hannah Montana. I've watched ScoobyDoo a hundred times, and watching Hannah Montana just didn't feel right (at that very moment).. So Twilight, it is.

I'm not really a Twilight movie fan. Of course, I respect those people who's into it, but I honestly don't see what the fuss is all about. Is it because of the gorgeous Edward? Because of the pretty Bella? Or maybe because of the hunky Jacob. I mean, it's just your typical love story.. with a twist. But yeah, I love the books. I have copies of all three books and they're pretty good. The movies aren't bad.. but I prefer reading the book and letting my own imagination run wild with casting the roles and directing the scenes.

Anyway, going back to what I wanna share with all of you.. In the movie, I heard this song.. A song by Linkin Park, "Leave Out All The Rest". It speaks of love, of pain, of fear and of saying goodbye.

I dreamed I was missing

You were so scared

But no one would listen

Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming

I woke with this fear

What am I leaving

When I’m done here

So if you’re asking me

I want you to know

[Chorus]

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I’ve done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

And don’t resent me

And when you’re feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

[End Chorus]

Don’t be afraid

I’ve taken my beating

I’ve shared what I made

I’m strong on the surface

Not all the way through

I’ve never been perfect

But neither have you

So if you’re asking me

I want you to know

[Chorus]

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I’ve done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Don’t resent me

And when you’re feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

[End Chorus]

Forgetting

All the hurt inside

You’ve learned to hide so well

Pretending

Someone else can come and save me from myself

I can’t be who you are

[Chorus]

When my time comes

Forget the wrong that I’ve done

Help me leave behind some

Reasons to be missed

Don’t resent me

And when you’re feeling empty

Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest

Leave out all the rest

Forgetting

All the hurt inside

You’ve learned to hide so well

Pretending

Someone else can come and save me from myself

I can’t be who you are

I can’t be who you are

Just yesterday, I came upon this one blog which tells a sad story about having lost someone so dear. With a flood of emotions and a torrent of memories, how can one say goodbye? When is the right time to say goodbye? How will I know that it is the right time? When that time comes, will there be good memories worth remembering? Will people even remember? Coping with a loss is very hard. But each and every one of us has our own way of doing just that.

I had been feeling down lately. I lost someone. And I lost myself. A defeat. A heartache. Whatever you may call it. I've been loving this person so much that I'm giving too much of myself. It bothers me that he treats me like an option rather than a priority, still I give and give. And in the process, I lost myself.

That day. It seemed like the world has come to an end. I had every reason to believe that. My idea of happy endings had been shattered. My dreams, blown away. But then I began thinking, maybe God has a plan ready for me and this is just a test. Maybe it is part of His plan that I feel and experience this sense of loss and grief, for me to appreciate love and happiness. Maybe this is just a part of the journey towards something much worthy of my attention.

Life was testing me and I blew it. Drowning in sorrow and self-pity.. It was disgusting. That was my defeat but it was just a temporary condition. Yes, I was down but I am standing up now. I won't give up. Giving up is what makes defeat permanent. They're all part of my past now. They're inside me and they'd always be there. But I'd try to move past those. I won't let things that knocked me down, keep me pinned down forever.

Yes, I've thought about giving up on love and life. The pain is fresh and the fear of loving another is ever present. The fear of death - death of love, of life.. of anything worthy of attention. The fear of loss. I am feeling that kind of fear everyday but it doesn't mean that I'd let it rule me. I will fall down again, sooner or later but it doesn't mean that I'd stop playing the game because I'm afraid of striking out. It doesn't mean that I'd stop loving because I'm afraid of getting hurt. With every fell, I'd stand up again, look back and LEARN not to step on that same slippery path again.

Everything does happen for a reason. I found myself again.. and my way back.

I may not have what I want right now.. I want to fix the relationship and make it work. But relationships are like glass. Very fragile. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken and untouched than to hurt yourself trying to put them back together. Besides, I'm quite sure that I'd get everything that I need, sooner or later. I will still make mistakes. I will still get hurt and feel the pain. I will still slip at some slippery path. I'm still afraid. But hey, I am learning, loving and living. And with that, when my time comes, I'm sure I will be remembered.

And guess what.. I am smiling again. ☺

So Much Drama

Last week was one hell of a week, huh!

Dengue Outbreak. Statistics show that dengue cases are rapidly increasing, not only in the Philippines but also in the Southeast Asian countries. Death tolls have been going up. Here in my porovince, hospitals are being "ambushed" by dengue victims. Tsk.

It is a known fact that mosquitoes live on stagnant water, and that they multiply fast during the rainy season. And during this season that we should really do what we can in order to prevent dengue from spreading like wildfire. The dengue virus can be contracted from a single bite of a mosquito (from an infected person).. then is transferred to another person. So we should all do our part. Prevention and early treatment are the best ways to fight it.

Venus Raj. Major, major win! Oh yeah. Me and my family watched the Miss Universe Pageant on TV. I really believe that Ms Venus Raj has what it takes to win. She's beautiful, smart and knows how to carry herself on stage. Grace under pressure. However, when I heard her answer during the Question-and-answer portion, I was like.. "Oh crap! She blew it, bigtime!"

Yes. That was my very first reaction. Then I started thinking, If I were in Venus's shoes, I don't know if I'd be able to open my mouth. People were very fast to judge Ms Raj. But like me, they do not know how it feels like to be on stage, to have millions of people watch you and hear your answer. As I said, If that was me, I'd consider myself lucky if I can say "Hello" to the audience.

I still believe that Miss Venus Raj is one smart, beautiful lady. Being part of the top 5 is already a huge honor. I just don't get it why so many people were so affected by her answer. She just cracked. She's only human, after all. Hmp. They'll grow tired of it, eventually. I just know that Venus Raj certainly made me (and many others) feel proud of being a Pinay.

Hostage-taking scenario. I heard about this news on the radio.. at around 10:30 in the morning. There's a hostage-taking scenario at Quirino. It didn't bother me that much. Hostage-taking drama are pretty much common here in the Philippines. In the evening, it was still all over the news. So I decided to watch TV and pretended to care.

Great. Live feed. It's like watching a movie, only it's not. When it comes to movies, I can be a critic. And in this one, though it is definitely NOT a movie, I still saw some flaws. Excuse me for saying these. Just an observation.

Take for example. Pistols. Our SWAT team didn't even have laser-sight guns. I was like, "Why? Don't you guys play RE4?? A laser-sight gun is a must when you're killing zombies. And in this case, the BAD GUY." A laser-aiming device is often attached to the gun to enable the handler to shoot with greater speed and accuracy, most especially in times of self defense and THREAT. That night, they didn't have any. I felt disgusted. There were innocent people on board. Lives were on the line. Oh, and SWAT means Special Weapons And Tactics team - an elite team trained to perform high-risks operations. I didn't see any "tactics". Using rope to open a bus door? Gathering around the bus and just sitting there, doing nothing for about 30 minutes?

Tear gas. As far as I know, a canister of tear gas is often used to disperse a crowd or to disorient an individual. There are about three kinds of tear gas, and these are irritants. Irritating the mucus membranes of the eyes, nose, mouth and lungs, thus the coughing sneezing, etc. So the scenario. The SWAT team broke the door using the sledgehammer, then about 3 or 4 tear gas cylinders were thrown inside the bus. Bam! I expected the SWAT team (with NO proper battle gear?.. gas masks, bulletproof vests, night vision goggles, the likes.. it was frustrating, really) to immediately move in. And guess what. NO ONE MOVED. The bad guy should have been disoriented after 10 seconds or so. But no, the SWAT team waited for like, forever. After 5 minutes, no movement. After 10 minutes, none. I asked myself, "What the heck are they waiting for?"

Media. Ok. I believe na there should be a limit to everything. Having "press freedom" does not mean that they'd report EVERYTHING they see. I'm not against the media, reporting the events. But at times like this one, they should have been more... sensitive. There were lives on the line. It's kinda irritating that every move the SWAT team makes, the media reports. Like...

Oh. The assualt team has arrived. Yes, they gathering around the bus. The mobile cars are going in. Ten men are alongside it. Yes, it's raining now. It's raining hard. GUNSHOT! We're on the ground now. I sneezed. Excuse me.

Hah!

Anyway, it's all over now. I'm sure that all of us have learned a thing or two from this. Yep! This has totally opened our eyes. Let us just hope and pray that it won't happen again. Hoping.. with fingers crossed.

I told you.. That was one hell of a week, huh!